


One Step Forward, Two Steps Back; Shag, Rinse, Repeat

by gryffindorJ



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Community: hp_yule_balls, Light Bondage, M/M, Rimming
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2010-01-19
Updated: 2010-01-19
Packaged: 2019-08-24 13:03:29
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 24,474
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16640645
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/gryffindorJ/pseuds/gryffindorJ
Summary: Teddy truly wanted James to be happy, but it was another thing entirely when achieving that happiness meant losing him. Teddy huffed silently to himself.As if I ever really had him in the first place.





	One Step Forward, Two Steps Back; Shag, Rinse, Repeat

**Author's Note:**

  * For [mindabbles](https://archiveofourown.org/users/mindabbles/gifts).



> Thank you to my beta, midnitemaraud_r for her never ending wonderfulness. Thank you torino10154 for being my sounding board and cheerleader. Thank you tailoredshirt for making me clean and spiffy and all together presentable. mindabbles, I adored writing for you like you wouldn’t believe. Seeing your reaction and hearing it from you personally almost made my head explode. I tried so hard so that you wouldn't know it was me, but I think I failed near the end.

_James._

James was arrogant, clever, and wilfully blinded to a fault. Once he had his mind made up and his eye on something, there was no changing that. Determined, stubborn; either one worked, depending on how one approached it. James's will could be terrifying in its tenacity. It was perhaps what got him into trouble the most when he was at Hogwarts; that and his penchant for mischief. 

Also, James was sexy as hell. 

Teddy knew he possibly looked like a stalker, staring at James from the balcony, but it couldn't be helped. James was bent over a book, softly stroking his bottom lip as he concentrated. His hair looked longer and wilder than Teddy had seen it in a while; more like his dad's. Teddy made a mental note not to say anything about the hair. 

Harry was the reason James had kept it extremely short for the past few years. Once James had reached his full height, it had been almost impossible to tell the two of them apart from behind. After he'd been called "Harry" for the millionth time, James cut it so drastically short that he'd nearly looked like a shorn sheep – a black sheep for all that –much to his father's dismay. Harry and James had butted heads more often than not over the past four years. The infamous "haircut" was just a tiny drop in a gigantic ocean of other incidents. Teddy was glad the longer hair was back; he liked it.

The library was quiet, and the top floor was empty – save for a girl who seemed enraptured with a book about Turkish-Polish Existentialist Free Verse Poets - so Teddy took a few minutes to watch James a little longer before he went over to talk to him. 

James sat at a table alone, his books and parchment—or rather "paper" as James had told Teddy to call it—spread across the whole table. Teddy could see that a fair bit of the papers had James's small drawings on it. Not silly things like names and pointless little cartoons. James always drew lots of things with lines, lots of magnificently straight lines. James was the only person Teddy knew who could put a quill—or "pen"—to a piece of _paper_ , and draw a perfectly straight line from one end to the other, every single time, without even thinking twice about it. 

Tired of looking at James without any acknowledgment of his presence, Teddy took to the stairs and had to keep himself from bounding down them. He hadn't realized how excited he was to see James until he had actually got here. He took a deep breath to quell his enthusiasm, and walked softly, with as much dignity as he could muster, sliding casually into a chair right across from James with just the barest scrape of the wooden legs against the floor, and smiled. 

James looked up over the top of his book at Teddy, his eyes widening in surprise as greeting, and went back to reading. Teddy picked up one of the pieces of parchment—paper—James had scattered about the table. There was a very precise, almost beautiful drawing of a Roman Aqueduct. In the corners and along the sides were all kinds of equations, with numbers and letters and exponents and symbols that Teddy couldn't even hope to begin to understand. But they were all in James's exact sort of script, as neatly laid out as the drawing of the aqueduct. Teddy loved these sorts of things because they showed a quieter, more concentrated side of James that few people knew he possessed. If it wouldn't make him look like some sort of fanatic, he would have taken the paper home and framed it. James had always told Teddy there was beauty in equations and the way they were used to build things. Teddy would agree that there was a particular beauty in these equations, but it had more to do with who was solving them than what they could do. 

"What's with you?" Teddy looked up to find that James was almost laughing at him. 

"Nothing. Why?" Teddy whispered back. 

"You're looking at that paper kind of…funny," James said, raising a single brow at Teddy. "Got a thing for aqueducts?" 

Teddy swallowed hard and tried to suppress the blush he could feel creeping across the back of his neck. Whenever James teased him even a little bit, it made Teddy feel school-boyish and hesitant. "Other than the time I went with your family to Rome and you convinced me to let you blow me while everyone was looking at some ruins, I've never thought about aqueducts one way or the other." 

"I think I was sixteen when that happened, so it had to be you who convinced me with your older, more experienced ways," James replied with a feigned air of innocence. 

"You should know better now that you're all grown up," Teddy countered, despite the full on blush that was surely evident now.

"Should. But I don't. Come on, let's go. I'm knackered." James started to gather up his papers and put a few books in his bag, but left a stack on the table of the ones he didn't need. 

"Did you know there is a rather large book about Turkish-Polish Existentialist Free Verse Poets? And not only that, but some girl thinks it's actually worth reading?" Teddy said as they left the library. 

James snorted in response and mumbled, "Fucking waste of time." 

James's new flat was further from campus than his old one; not far, but it still took a bit more time along a livelier route to get to it. They passed overflowing pubs, full of students excited that their school term was over. 

"How'd it go in the Balkans?" James asked as they rounded the corner to his street. Teddy shrugged. "That good, huh?" 

"It wasn't bad, but the job's just not for me," Teddy said. 

"What did they want you to do?"

"Auror type stuff. It's a bit of a political mess there, still. Not really something I want to work with," Teddy said, giving the same answer he had given everyone else. 

"Teddy, why not just admit you don't want to be any type of Auror at all, and stop giving excuses as to why you completed the training but didn't pursue anything afterward?" Teddy could hear the annoyance in James's voice, but it was hard for James to understand. Not everyone could run off and live their dream while holding up two fingers to the rest of the world. 

"It's not an excuse—"

"Sure." James shook his head. "Thought anymore about writing that book?" 

"No one gives a shit about Werewolf rights. Not since they booted Kingsley out of office." 

" _Make_ them care." 

"It's not that easy, James. The few times I've written articles, I got nothing but angry letters, and the ones I've done for _The Quibbler_ —hell, you know the responses I got were from complete nutters. No one's going to get behind me when they see all the room is being taken up by people who bugger goats."

James stopped and looked at Teddy.

"What?" Teddy said innocently. 

"You should believe in yourself a little bit more." 

Teddy shrugged. "I believe in myself a great deal, it's everyone else..." He caught sight of James's wary expression and snorted lightly. "Right," he said, and smiled. "I'm just taking my time." 

James smiled back and started walking again. Teddy knew James had his best interests at heart and just wanted him to be happy. Most of his family and friends did, even when they outwardly worried about his "career ambitions" and seeming lack of enthusiasm thereof. Teddy knew Harry had high hopes for him, but he was fortunate that Harry wasn't the pushy sort, at least not with him, in trying to get Teddy to settle down into a "career". Teddy's own father had apparently had a taste for a certain amount of wanderlust, though that wasn't necessarily by choice, all things considered. 

Still, people tended to figure that that's where Teddy got it from, and so they acted concerned, but with a marked lack of...optimism, he supposed. James, on the other hand, had grown up with a surname that meant everyone expected the world from him. No one expected much from you when your last name was Lupin.

"How come you were in the library? Term's over." 

"Trying to get some things together for my CV." 

"In the library?" 

"Flatmate had his girlfriend over," James replied. They stopped at James's door as he dug around for his keys. He opened his door, and then stopped again at the row of post boxes set into the wall. He unlocked his box and smiled when he saw there were a few letters stuck in there. 

"You're coming up, right?" James asked as he headed up the stairs, flipping through the letters, apparently looking for something. He mumbled "Bugger," under his breath after he finished flipping through the post. 

"'Course," Teddy said, following James up the stairs. 

James's flat was dark and quiet. His flatmate and the aforementioned girlfriend had gone out. 

James threw his bag and coat on the couch, and flipped on lights as he walked towards the kitchen. Teddy took his coat off, pulling his wand from the inner pocket of his coat and slipping it down the side of his jeans so that it was still easily accessible. That was one of the hard parts about visiting James; keeping things like your wand hidden and remembering not slip up when talking about things like sports or telly. James fit seamlessly in the Muggle world. He never slipped up in what he said, and he had stopped carrying his wand a while ago.

"You hungry?" James hollered from the kitchen. 

"No, I ate already," Teddy said, walking towards the kitchen. 

"Big welcome back dinner with my dad?" James asked as he rummaged around the fridge. 

"No, got back a few days ago. Was at a Quidditch match before I came here." 

"How was that?" 

"Cannons scored twice the whole match. Pretty pathetic on their part. Arrows did well this season though," Teddy said. The Arrows were James's favourite team, at least they had been when he was a kid. Teddy didn't know if James even cared about those things anymore. Most likely not. He was too busy playing cricket in the park with his mates and watching it on the telly. Teddy didn’t understand the game at all, though he fully supported a sport that had a break for tea, and when James carried the paddle around, Teddy liked to imagine all the fun things they could do with that particular piece of equipment. 

James pulled out cartons of what looked like leftover Italian food, put a large pile of pasta on a plate and put it in the boxy looking thing that James called a "microwave". He pressed a few buttons, and a light went on, the motor hummed and the food began to reheat. A minute later, the thing beeped and shut off, and James grabbed a fork, his plate, and a bottle of something that Teddy didn't recognize from the fridge. 

He sat down on the couch to eat and Teddy poked around the flat, opening books, and flipping through the few Muggle magazines on the table. Teddy liked this flat. It was the nicest one James had lived in by far. The first one had been a one room bed-sit that he'd shared with another boy. It had a yeasty sort of smell to it that never went away. The only fond memory Teddy had of that place was the small flimsy bed James had, and how it creaked. Not that Teddy stayed there that much—a handful of times when James's flatmate was gone for the weekend, and one time when the flatmate was passed out, completely pissed. 

This place was nice, especially for a student. At least that's what James had told Teddy. The fact that James had a kitchen, his own room, and only one very straight flatmate was enough to keep Teddy happy. 

"Are you going to keep living here next term?" Teddy asked. 

James shrugged. "Had dinner with Uncle George a few nights ago, and I have enough interest coming from my investment to keep living here." 

Teddy looked away from James so he wouldn't see the disappointment in his face. George and James most likely ate at a wizarding restaurant. George was practically the only person James would even consider going into Diagon Alley for. Maybe it was their mischievous spirits that bonded them, or something like that, but George and James had always been close. After James left Hogwarts and announced he would be attending "Uni" to study "Engineering", George was the only adult in their family willing to help him out. He gave James a job during his gap year, after Harry and Ginny had both told James they weren't exactly happy about his plans. George had also been the one to help James manufacture all the fake documents so he could sit A-Levels, and apply to a Muggle school. He could have conned and confunded his way in without the exams, but James was stubborn, wanting to earn his place, and it was a bloody good school he'd been accepted to at that. 

"What'd you invest in?" Teddy asked in a manner which he hoped sounded offhand and casual. 

"The shop." 

Teddy looked up in surprise. "I thought George didn't allow that sort of thing."

"Still doesn't. But he hated that last place I lived, and when I told him I was trying my best to make my saving stretch all four years, he insisted I invest in the shop and live off the return. I have to let George buy me out of my share after I graduate." 

Teddy whistled lightly. If Harry and Ginny found out about this they would go completely spare, not only on James but on George, too. Not that James or George gave a rat's arse, but that wouldn't keep Harry starting up another epically large row with James. 

James finished eating and stretched out, leaning back into the couch. He closed his eyes and toed off his trainers, kicking them haphazardly across the room. 

"Tired from the end of term?" Teddy asked sitting down next to him. 

"A bit." 

"I understand that you love what you're studying and all that, but I don't understand why all Muggles think they need four more years of school after they just finished twelve." James opened his eyes and looked at Teddy. "Aren't there jobs to be had without all this extra study?" 

James shrugged. "Sure. But some even go on after they earn a degree for advanced degrees in things like law, sciences, education. A few others. You can get an advanced degree in anything. And those people who study medicine are at it even longer." 

"I knew that," Teddy said, frowning a bit. "It just seems.... Well, wouldn't it make more sense to train on the job? Maybe not for medicine, considering how Muggles do it, but there's only so much theory you can learn. It just doesn't seem very practical, is all."

A smirk crept across James's face. His mischievous brown eyes looked from Teddy's eyes to his lips, broadened to take in the rest of his face, with a quick glance downward and then back up to his eyes and lips again. James did this when he was thinking about kissing him, and it made Teddy's stomach tighten in anticipation. 

"Why are you looking at me like that?" 

"I like when you tell me what you think. Sometimes you hide stuff from me, like you think it's going to make me angry, or that I won't want to hear it." Teddy was about to deny the implication, but James sat up to close the distance between them. He kissed Teddy lightly at first, but then the kiss deepened as James ran his tongue along Teddy's lips and into his mouth. Teddy moaned happily, sliding his hand to the back of James's neck, his fingertips brushing against James's hair. 

James unbuttoned Teddy's shirt and ran his hands across his bare chest. Teddy shuddered with delight; he loved the feel of James's skin on his. 

"Your flatmate," Teddy reminded James. 

"He's seen you before." 

"No, what if he walks in?"

"He'll probably sleep over at his girlfriend's, but I suppose we should go to my room just in case," James said, standing up and offering a hand to Teddy to pull him up, too. "Can't have him walking in as you come and see your hair turning bright colours." 

"I can keep it normal, even when I'm coming," Teddy said, leaning in and nipping at James's lower lip. 

"Really?" James shoved his hand into Teddy's denims and rubbed his already-hard cock. Teddy moaned and did his best to keep his hair from changing colour. "I know you're trying, but I can see the purple creeping along the roots of your hair," James whispered, his voice seductively deep. "Come get in bed with me, and you can try to keep it from changing while you fuck me in my arse. I've always liked the colour change though." 

Teddy stopped trying to suppress it and let his hair go any colour it wanted to as James led him to his bedroom. 

James took off the rest of his clothes, leaving them in a pile near the door, and leaned back on his bed, watching Teddy quickly undress. Teddy liked when James looked at him the way he was looking at him now; taking in every inch of Teddy, and wetting his lips ever so slightly with the tip of his tongue, as if he couldn't possibly want anything more than to watch Teddy undress. Teddy knew it was just a seductive look, but a tiny part of Teddy hoped it was more. 

"Get the—"

"Is it still in your wardrobe?" Teddy asked, interrupting, knowing exactly what he was referring to. 

Without waiting for a reply, Teddy opened one of the doors to the wardrobe and slid open the drawer where he knew James kept his lube. As he took out the small bottle, he noticed a long piece of wood lying among the socks and pants. It was James's wand. Teddy fingered it lightly, almost lovingly. How long had it been since it had been used? Teddy wondered if all of its magic was wasting away or just sitting, hoping for James to come back to it one day. 

"It's there, right?" James said, standing up. 

"Right here." Teddy looked over his shoulder holding the bottle up so James could see it. He stroked the wand lightly one more time, and closed the drawer. "Sorry. You didn't have to get up. I noticed your wand was in there, that's all." 

"Oh." 

"Don't you worry about your flatmate finding it and having to explain your love for a stick?" 

"No. Only a wizard can open my wardrobe. I charmed it ages ago to make sure it was safe." James sat back down on the bed. 

"Ever take it out to make sure it still works?" Teddy asked, and to his surprise, James actually looked guilty. Teddy chuckled. "Living as a Muggle not the cakewalk you claim it is?" 

"Oh Christ, not you now, too," James said, his eyes flashing dangerously. Teddy meant it as a joke. He hadn't intended to upset James, but he should have known better. He always tried to be the one person James could count on to never make him feel defensive over his decision. To always support him, no matter what. 

Teddy had to salvage this quickly. "No, I didn't mean—" 

He went to his pile of clothes and pulled his wand free, and walked back towards the bed. He threw the lube aside as he crawled on the bed, wand aimed at James. James looked down at the wand trained directly at his chest and then flicked his eyes back up at Teddy, a small smile flashing in his eyes. 

"Don't you ever miss it, Jamie? Even just a little?" Teddy asked, his voice low and soft. James eyes went to the tip of Teddy's wand, up to his face. and back again. "Magic. So fun. So useful." Teddy straddled James, pushing him flat on his back. "Put your hands above your head." 

James did as he was told, and Teddy tapped his wrists lightly with his wand. Thin cords shot out of Teddy's wand, binding James's wrists together, and then fastening them to the headboard. 

"See? Fun," Teddy said. 

"Now you know why I only fuck wizards," James said, thrusting his hips so his hard prick pushed eagerly against Teddy. 

"Slag," Teddy said, before brushing his lips over James's. 

James grinned against Teddy's lips. "Aren’t you going to show me what else you can do?" 

"I think I'll let you suffer for a bit." Teddy kissed James full on the mouth, then quickly pulled away, leaving James gasping, and lowered himself down James's body, past his firm chest and perfect stomach. As he licked along the path of dark hair starting just below James's navel, he arched his body so there wasn't any part of him touching James's cock. 

Teddy paused, raised his head up slightly, and looked down at the long mouth-watering cock before him. He glanced up at James who gave him a face that said, "Go on. Suck me off," and raised his hips, bumping Teddy in the chin with his prick. Teddy shook his head ever so slightly, and James's expression made a silent plea. Teddy shook his head again. 

He sat back on his heels, smiling slyly down at James, and tapped his wand against the palm of his hand, pondering what to do to next. James twitched his eyebrows in a way that expressed both frustration and anticipation. 

"So many things I could do to you, Jamie," Teddy said in a hushed voice. He held his wand lightly in his fingers, and placed the tip against James's body, starting at the underside of James's right wrist, and slowly traced his wand down his long firmly-muscled arm, down to his collarbone, across to the other and up his left arm, and back down again. James's skin immediately pebbled wherever the wand passed, and he took a deep breath, his eyes fluttering closed. 

Teddy ran his wand down across James's chest, circling his nipples with it. "Perhaps I should conjure some nipple clamps. You'd like that, wouldn't you?" 

A half-grin tugged at James's face. "I think you enjoy that sort of thing more than me." Teddy poked him with his wand. "Ow!" 

"Careful, James. You're the one tied up, remember?" 

"I was only saying…" James said, giving Teddy a winning smile. Teddy had to resist the urge to kiss him. James was too charming by half, and his impishness always made Teddy weak. 

Teddy suppressed his feelings and moved his wand further down James's chest to his stomach, and then to his cock, tracing a slow, lazy circle around the base. James moaned happily and arched his back, and Teddy dragged his wand slowly down James's balls, James whimpering quietly at the touch. Teddy knew that was all he would get out of James. He was far too stubborn to ever cave first and demand that Teddy fuck him. 

He would get there eventually, but first he continued his path down to James's inner thigh and down to his firm leg. He thought about tracing it on the arch of James's foot, but he was horribly ticklish there. Having him erupt in a fit of giggling wasn't quite the mood Teddy was hoping for. 

He tucked his wand under James's calf and poked at the back of his knee until James bent it, putting his foot flat on the bed, and did the same with his other leg.

"Good," Teddy breathed, praising James for knowing exactly what Teddy was after. 

Teddy continued dragging his wand slowly back up James's inner thigh, stopping right below his balls. 

"You could have done all that without a wand," James said, canting his hips to expose himself more. 

"You're going to mock me when my wand is so close to your bollocks?" 

James gave Teddy a pretentious grin in reply. 

Teddy cocked one eyebrow and thought of a rather useful incantation, casting it silently without moving his lips. 

"Oh, fuck! Teddy," James yelped, squirming uncomfortably, his balls retreating tightly to his body from the blast of ice-cold water. 

"See?" Teddy smiled his own pretentious smile, and before James could retort, he put his wand down and gave James's balls one very warm, very slow lick. Then another one, this time lower. Teddy laid his chest flat on the bed and licked again. James spread his legs as wide as they could go, and Teddy, his tongue wide and flat, licked slowly at James's entrance. 

A shiver ran through James, and he immediately relaxed into what Teddy was doing. Teddy pushed at James's thighs, licking at him greedily; now that he had got a taste of James, he couldn't stop. He swirled his tongue, lips working fervently, alternating between licking and sucking. James moaned loudly and inched up the bed. Teddy growled, gripping James tightly and tugging him back down against his mouth. 

Teddy licked as slowly as he could manage, his heart pounding and his cock aching to be inside James. Teddy's face was warm from James's body and wet from his own mouth. 

"Fu—uh—ck," James said above him, and Teddy chanced a look up. James's face was flushed and his knuckles were white from gripping the cords that kept his hands bound. 

Teddy grabbed his wand and summoned the lube he had discarded earlier, pouring out a healthy dollop on his fingers. 

"Not going to use your wand for that?" James panted.

"And miss you pleading for me to fuck you while I open you inch by inch? Not a chance." Teddy pushed two fingers into James's saliva slicked entrance. 

"Bloody hell, yes," James gasped. Teddy scissored his fingers, spreading James open. He put in a third, impatiently ready for his cock to be in James's arse, but still waiting, fucking James slowly open. 

"Oh, fuck. Oh, fuck," James panted louder. His arms strained, and he tried to pull them free. 

"Won't work," Teddy said. "Why don't you tell me what you want instead?"

"Fuck, Teddy. God, I want you," James gasped, desperation painted on his face. For a moment, Teddy was actually surprised James had given in to his suggestion. 

"How much?" he asked, taking full advantage of the situation, twisting his fingers in a slow, circular motion, and sliding them deeper, as far as they could go.

"Fuck! Bad. God, I want you so fucking bad!"

Teddy pulled his hand free and aligned himself with James, pushing quickly into his arse, and groaned in satisfaction as James's heat enveloped him. 

"God, thank you, I thought you would never get in me," James said, pushing his hips against Teddy. 

Teddy held tight to James's hips and fucked him quickly. He pushed in harder and faster, his balls hitting James over and over again. James thrashed, trying to pull his hands free to get to his neglected cock, and Teddy, feeling some sympathy, paused just long enough to grab his wand, and with one flick easily undid the cords. 

"Oh, yes, fuck," James cried out, and grabbed his cock, tugging roughly. 

"Make yourself come, Jamie. I want your come all over you." 

James pulled on his prick hard and fast, and Teddy pushed into him deeper and deeper, silently urging him to come. James choked back several curse words as he came hard all over himself. 

He looked wonderful, tugging his own cock, flushed and sweaty with lust, his lips red and swollen as he cried out. It easily sent Teddy over the edge. "Yes, oh, fuck, yes," he said as he slammed his cock into James again and again riding out his orgasm. It was fucking amazing. 

"See?" he gasped, panting. "Useful." He lowered his head to rest his cheek against James's chest, mouth slack in an attempt to suck as much oxygen as possible into his lungs. He felt pleasantly light-headed and utterly sated, and didn't even bat an eyelash at the fact that he was drooling all over James's right nipple. He considered licking it but decided it could wait in lieu of breathing.

James patted Teddy on the head in tacit agreement. 

When Teddy gained some control of his senses again, he took a moment to properly suck on James's nipple, which caused James to arch his back in response, and grinning, he crawled up the bed to lie down beside James. James leaned in close to Teddy, and Teddy brushed a kiss across the top of James's head, closing his eyes so he could fall asleep while holding him. James's hair was soft and spiky, and tickled Teddy's chin, and he listened as his even breaths grew deeper, coasting damply across Teddy's neck. He was sure James was asleep; he always fell asleep rather quickly after a good shag. 

"I miss it," James's voice came out sleep, heavy and soft. "I miss magic" 

"I didn't—" 

"Don't tell anyone, all right?" James sounded unsure, like a little boy. 

"Course not," Teddy said, his voice feeling thick in his throat. 

James started breathing evenly again, and this time Teddy knew he was asleep. Teddy couldn't sleep though. He wanted to sit straight up and grab James by the shoulders and shake him, to tell him to come back. Come back and be with him. Forever. They could be together if James would just come back. 

God, he sounded like some pathetic hopeless romantic. He could never have James and he knew it. 

Despite what James said, Teddy knew nothing could get him to come back to the magical world, knew James wasn't in love with him, and that he was nothing more then a friendly fuck, off and on, year after year. 

Even if James _was_ in love with him, he was far too stubborn to come back for any reason at all, and Teddy couldn't live like a Muggle for James. Teddy was far too magical— in appearance alone—to ever live contentedly in the Muggle world for long stretches of time. A few days here and there were fine, but it would be too hard to keep up the charade. What would happen if he was extraordinarily happy or angry? Teddy knew he would always love James in silence, and if that was the only way he could have him, then that's how he would do it.

*******

Teddy slid his arm out from under his pillow, feeling blindly around the bed for James. It was completely empty and the sheets were cold. He cracked open one eye, checking to make sure, but no, he was alone. He rolled over so that he was sprawled in the middle of the bed, and stretched.

James must have left to go running. It was a habit he'd picked up from his first flatmate. Teddy didn't really understand the appeal, particularly the waking up extra early part, but James said he knew a lot of people who liked to run in the morning, and claimed it was even more invigorating than a hot shower. Still Teddy thought it was a little peculiar. However, he did like the way James looked in those shorts he wore, and the way he came back sweaty and ready for a shag. Teddy wondered what James did most days after his morning run, since Teddy was around only a few days a month. Wanked, most likely. Bloody twat should stop being so stubborn, and at the very least Apparate every once and a while. Teddy certainly wouldn't mind a sweaty, panting James appearing in his room each morning. 

The alarm clock said it was just after eight, so James probably wouldn't be back for a bit. Teddy slid out of bed, pulling on his t-shirt from the floor and a pair of James's pyjama bottoms that had been thrown over the back of a chair. The bottoms were a little long but otherwise serviceable. 

He went to the kitchen to make himself a cup of coffee while he waited, thinking about his wand sitting on James's bedside table and wondering if he should have brought that. It would be so much easier to make coffee with it. James wouldn't like that though. He always got a bit tetchy about anyone doing magic where someone might see. 

He looked in the back of the fridge for the container of beans James kept around, and rifled through the cabinets looking for that "grinder". _Merlin_ , for someone who liked orderly things like maths, James's kitchen was a mess: Bowls stacked so they weren't nesting but were rather teetering precariously against on another, plates and cups fighting for space, a canister of sugar sitting with the pans. 

"Sod this," Teddy grumbled, walking back to the bedroom to get his wand. He came back, put a small pile of beans on the counter and took careful aim, transfiguring the beans into the granules. Teddy's spell work was a little bit too robust, and some of the coffee dust flew back in his face. He brushed his face off and then slid the rest of the coffee into the press he found sitting beside the cereal. He put the press on the stove and quickly lit it with his wand. 

He paused for a moment, listening, but the flat was quiet. With a more controlled flourish, he waved his wand, and within moments, clean plates, bowls and glasses were flying back into their respective cupboards. There. That was much better. James would probably get cross if he realised Teddy had used magic so blatantly, but the mess really had been rather ridiculous, and his flatmate would never know the difference anyway. 

The coffee was still brewing, so he returned his wand to the bedroom and made sure his face was clean. As he walked back into the kitchen, there was a knock at the door. Teddy sauntered over to it, grinning at James having forgot his keys. He swung open the door ready to give James a hard time, but was greeted instead by a rather unexpected surprise. 

"Thought you'd be here," Albus said, walking in. 

"When did you get back?" Teddy said, not realizing term had ended. 

"School just let out. I didn’t bother with the train. Went home first to drop off my stuff and then Apparated here to see James. Where is he?" 

"Running." Albus snorted and looked at Teddy and they both rolled their eyes. 

"Coffee?" Teddy asked, walking towards the kitchen. 

"Yeah, got anything to eat? I'm famished," Albus said, rubbing his stomach. 

"You didn't eat this morning?" Teddy asked as he rummaged through the cupboard for mugs. 

"Nope, skipped breakfast, otherwise I'd still be there." 

Teddy opened the fridge and looked inside, hoping to find some cream. "Can't find a damned thing in this place, except the cereal out on the counter, which doesn't look all that appetising, and there's no milk besides. You'll have to wait till James gets back. Got some cream for the coffee though. I think it's still fresh, maybe," he added, opening the container and wrinkling his nose a bit. 

Teddy and Albus heard a key slide into the lock and the door open. James walked in, dropping his key on the table as he called, "Teddy? You awake?" 

"In here," Teddy said, peeking out of the kitchen. James looked just as good as Teddy knew he would, parts of his fringe sticking to his sweaty forehead, his cheeks flushed, and his legs looking even longer in the short black shorts. 

James walked into the kitchen and grinned when he saw Albus. "Hey, tosser, when'd you get back?" he said, punching Albus playfully on the arm.

"Little bit ago," Albus replied, pushing James away. " _God_ , you stink. Get away from me." James grinned, moving away from Albus, who was smiling despite himself. 

"Where'd you find my coffee grinder?" James asked, taking the cup that Teddy offered him. "I've been buying a cup of it every morning on my way to class for ages." 

"It was…" Teddy said, gesturing vaguely and trying to come up with a lie.

"Why don't you just summon the damn thing?" Albus said, sipping his coffee. "God forbid you do something like a wizard." Teddy did his best to hide his laugh under a cough, and the remark earned Albus another punch in the arm. 

"Why are you here anyway?" James asked, gripping his mug by the rim as he took a drink. 

"Brought this to show Teddy." Albus pulled out a copy of the _Daily Prophet_ from his back pocket. "Just the Society pages." 

Teddy took the paper from Albus and unfolded it to find a picture of himself and Harry, taken at the Quidditch match they had gone to yesterday. It was the both of them smiling, pointing at something, and sharing a laugh. An article followed:

> > > **Inappropriate Relationship?**
>>> 
>>> The Chosen One and his godson have been spotted frequently about town spending a substantial amount of time in each other's close company. It is also widely known that the twenty-six year old Teddy Lupin has been living in the Potter household and is currently unemployed. All things considered, as previously reported in these pages, the question begs: Is Potter providing him with more than just a roof over his head? 

Teddy scanned the rest of the article, which boiled down his and Harry's relationship to a proverbial fuck fest.

"Lovely," Teddy snorted as he threw the paper on the counter. The only part Teddy really took offence to was the "unemployed" bit. He didn't consider himself _unemployed_ , per se, he was merely weighing his options and saving his inheritance from his Grandmother, which was why he had taken up Harry's offer to move into the house in the first place. All things considered, he thought, smirking as he thought of the article, perhaps that hadn't been such a prudent thing to do. Still, the reporter could go hang. It wasn't anyone's business, and the rest of the article was pure sensationalised rubbish, and not really worth getting upset about. 

"Hang on, let me—" James left the room and came back a minute later with a pair of glasses. James's eyesight had been going the past couple years but he refused to wear glasses on a regular basis. He usually tried to wear these completely daft things Muggles had called "contacts", which left James's eyes very red, and he complained anytime he put them in. James would do anything not to resemble his father. 

"Dad's new boyfriend won't be too chuffed when he reads that," Albus said, smirking.

"It's all he needs. Another reason to hate me," Teddy said.

James read the article, unsmiling, and after a moment, flipped idly through the pages, glancing at some of the other articles in the _Prophet_.

"If he does get in a twist about it, I hope him and Dad settle at his place. I don't want to be privy to any of what they do," Albus said.

"They're pretty good at silencing charms," Teddy replied, and Albus made a face like he was going to be sick. 

"Dad sometimes forgets to use silencing charms," James said without looking up from the paper. Teddy hadn't thought James was paying attention at all to what he and Albus were saying, but James had perfected that 'I-look-like-I'm-concentrating-but-I-really-am-listening' sort of demeanour. It must have been a carryover from when his parents were still married and Harry and Ginny had fought all the time. James was only seven when they divorced, but had a childhood full of his parents constantly disagreeing. They would fight in front of him, thinking he was focused on eating, reading, riding his toy broom, or pretty much anything, but James had heard every word. 

"He's better about it now," Albus said. 

"Has a reason to use them." Teddy snickered, and both James and Albus shuddered. 

"Let's go get breakfast, I'm starving," Albus said. 

"You go on, I need to get cleaned up," James said, putting down the paper. 

"Teddy?" Albus asked, looking at Teddy as he walked towards the door.

"Teddy needs to get cleaned up, too," James said, not giving Teddy the chance to decline. 

" _God_ ,"Albus said. "Why do you have to be so open about it? Can’t you two pretend we don't know like you used to? At least hide it a bit." 

Teddy shrugged a bit guiltily and James just shoved Albus towards the door. 

"Fine. You're coming to my party, right? The big I'm-All-Done-With-Hogwarts-So-Everyone-Come-Celebrate-Me sort of thing," Albus said. 

"Got the invitation last week," James said. "Mum and Dad in the same place—I wouldn't miss it for the world." 

"Really? Thanks—I mean, I wasn't sure—" Albus stuttered. 

"Go away, Al, I got better things to do than to listen to you thank me," James said. 

"Yeah, go play drop the soap or something." Albus waved at Teddy and left. 

James was grinning as he turned from the door and walked back towards Teddy. He grabbed Teddy's hand and pulled him towards the bathroom. James smelled of sweat and morning air. It was intoxicating, and Teddy couldn't help but nip and lick at his neck. 

"Mmmm," James moaned, and Teddy could already see the thin nylon of James's shorts tenting. "Teddy?" 

"Hmmm?" Teddy replied, not really paying attention and ready to drop to his knees to lick along James's belly. 

"Why are there coffee grounds in your ear?"

*******

Teddy whistled to himself as he exited the shower and walked back to his bedroom, still towelling his damp hair. He dressed quickly and headed downstairs to find something to eat. He was in a good mood, having spent the past weekend all the way to Tuesday with James, and now it was Saturday and he would be seeing James again later today as well. This time was different though; he was coming to Harry's house, and maybe this time he'd stay here with Teddy, in his bed, instead of running off and dragging Teddy back to his own flat.

Before Teddy reached the kitchen, he heard a clinking sound coming from the dining room, and stopped to peek in. 

"What are you doing here?" Teddy asked, knowing he sounded a bit rude but not really caring all that much. Draco looked up from the crystal tumblers he had just levitated to the dining table. His light eyes narrowed at Teddy, and he slowly ran his tongue along the inside of his lower lip, rubbing where Teddy would have left him with a nasty scar had it not been for the benefits of a good healing spell. Or maybe there was a scar there, on the inside of Draco's lip. If so… _good_. 

"Don't speak to me like you caught me stealing the crystal," Draco said. "I'm here to help Harry get organized for the party. He had some last minute dealings with the caterers and he asked me to take care of a few things this morning. I'm the only one he can count on, apparently, as you think it's appropriate to sleep in past ten." 

"It's the weekend." 

"What's your excuse for the other five days then?" Draco's lips curled into a mocking grin. 

"Up too late buggering Harry, I suppose," Teddy said, walking away. He didn't want to let Draco spoil his mood. He heard the unmistakable tinkling of breaking glass behind him, and he grinned widely. 

Teddy poured himself a cup of coffee, which he had to grudgingly admit Draco made because Harry _never_ made coffee that tasted this good. Teddy heard the back door slowly open, then quietly shut, followed by very soft footsteps past the kitchen door. Someone was trying to come in unnoticed. This wasn't unheard of in the Potter house. Harry's kids could be a bit…wild. Not that they ever got in too much trouble, so it was a bit puzzling that they still felt the need to sneak in. 

Teddy wondered which one it was. It couldn't be Lily, since she was spending the night with her cousin, so it had to be…

"Al?" The footsteps stopped and then moved back towards the kitchen door.

"Teddy?" Al asked quietly, his voice sounding thick and raspy. 

"Yeah." 

"You alone?" Albus whispered. 

"Yes," Teddy said, whispering back. 

The door opened just a sliver, and Albus slid through, shutting it quickly behind him. 

"Bloody hell! What happened to you?" Teddy asked when he caught sight of Albus. His clothes were rumpled and they looked a bit stained, stubble covered his chin, and his eyes were bloodshot. He would have looked horrible regardless, but the puffy black eye he was sporting made him look like absolute hell. The only thing on him that looked to be in perfect condition were his glasses, and even they looked too perfect, which meant they must have been broken and Albus had repaired them.

"Got in a bit of a punch-up," Albus said, smiling sheepishly. "Went to a football match with James and got chatted up by some bird and…found out after she had a boyfriend. He didn't like me too much."

"You look like shit." 

"I just got the eye—the other guy looks worse. James knocked out some teeth, I think. I'm not used to fighting without a wand like he is, and the bloke caught me by surprise." Albus laughed. "Pants around my knees." 

"Do _not_ let your dad find out," Teddy said. If Harry saw this, he'd be over at James's flat so fast. Teddy sighed. It would be a row of epic proportions. He could see it now. Harry would come home, lock Albus in his room, and forbid him from ever seeing James again. The punishment wouldn't last very long, however. Harry, though hot tempered and rash, was also pants at making punishments stick, and no matter how angry he got, he knew he couldn't actually forbid his children from seeing each other. Nor would he really want to. Besides, Harry still held out hope that he and James would one day reconcile their differences. The problem was that both of them were steadfast in their stubbornness, and neither was willing to give any ground. 

"I'm not suicidal," Albus replied. 

"Then why didn't you fix your eye before coming home?" 

"Wouldn't let James touch it. Who knows the last time he healed something like this and I couldn't do it for myself very well. I was hoping to catch you first." 

"All right, put your head back," Teddy said, pulling out his wand. Albus took off his glasses, put his head back, and closed his eyes. Teddy touched the end of his wand to the swollen eye and whispered the incantation. Albus winced slightly as the swelling and discolouration abated. Served him right, the little idiot. 

"Thanks." Albus grinned, rubbing his eye and then sliding his glasses back on.

"You're lucky you caught me. Draco's in the dining room. Why didn't you Apparate?" 

"Little hungover." 

"What did you and James get up to?" Teddy asked. He realised he sounded shocked, but he was also a little bit jealous that he hadn't been invited out with James, too. 

"James showed me a time in the Muggle world. I enjoyed myself quite a bit," Albus said pompously. 

"Black eye and all?" 

"A bird blew me. I can't complain about that. I might go live like a Muggle myself." 

"Albus, you can't go be a Muggle just because some girl blew you. You can find wizarding girls who'll do the same," Teddy said as he pulled out a box of cereal and a container of milk. 

"I know," Al said, smirking. "James might think it's a disadvantage to be Harry Potter's son, but I've never had an issue." That earned him a smack on the back of the head from Teddy. 

The door from the garage opened and both Teddy and Albus went quiet. 

"Hello?" It was Harry. 

"In here," Teddy called back. Albus shoved Teddy and pointed angrily to his stained clothes. "Learn how to clean your clothes," Teddy whispered back. 

The kitchen door swung open and Harry walked in looking like he was in a good mood. "There's the man of the day. Where've you been all morning?" Harry said to Albus before he took in his appearance. 

"I was out with—" 

"Good God, Albus, you look like crap," Harry said, noticing Albus's clothes and bloodshot eyes. 

"I was—" Albus looked to Teddy for help, but he merely grinned at him. He would help fix the eye but Teddy was still a bit sore that he hadn't been invited to go out. "Went out with James last night, and…er…passed out at his place sometime very early this morning." Harry's face looked pinched, and he growled slightly in the back of his throat. "I was just about to go upstairs get cleaned up and catch a nap." 

Harry huffed angrily but only shrugged his shoulders. He wasn't going to attempt to over-parent his eighteen-year-old son, and after Albus had said the word "James", Harry's anger shifted away from Albus and on to James. "Go get cleaned up. You smell like the floor of a pub. Then come back down and eat breakfast. I think I might have something for a hangover around." 

Albus left the kitchen and Teddy turned his head away laughing. 

"What's so funny?" Harry asked. "What, Albus lied and you're laughing because he got away with it?" 

Teddy continued to laugh. "No, I'm pretty sure that was the truth." 

"Then what's so funny?"

"Since when do you know what the floor of a pub smells like?" 

"Got blasted in a raid once. Face pushed to the floor. That was the third, no, fourth time my nose got broken," Harry said, touching the aforementioned nose gently.

"No wonder it's crooked. You've lost count of how many times it's been busted." Teddy laughed louder. 

"Shut it," Harry grumbled, but smiled despite himself. 

"Draco's in the dining room," Teddy said, knowing Harry would want to know. 

"Great, thanks," Harry said, smiling more broadly as he left the kitchen to go to the dining room.

***

Teddy spent the day trying to stay out of the way. He looked forward to the party, but wanted nothing to do with preparing for it. Besides, Harry had Draco, and Draco was the sort to make sure everything was perfect.

When the food arrived and began to be set out, Teddy went outside for a bit of fresh air before anyone arrived. He noticed Lily sitting in a chair in the back garden having a fag, and walked over to her to sit with her. 

"Why are you smoking? Your mum's not here yet," Teddy said, taking the cigarette from Lily's fingers and vanishing it with a flick of his wand. 

"That's not why I smoke," Lily retorted, pouting with that Potter pout that all three kids seemed to have mastered at an early age and never gave up. "I do it because I like it. Helps clear my head." 

"I'm sure. The life of a sixteen-year-old girl is stress ridden," Teddy teased as he sat down in a chair next to Lily. 

Lily actually didn't smoke, or wasn't what Teddy would consider a "smoker." Lily only did it when her mum was around because it drove Ginny absolutely spare. Ginny was hardly ever around, but any time she was, Lily never missed a chance to get under her skin. Albus was the only one who had any sort of regular interaction with Ginny. Lily was so small when Ginny left that she hardly remembered Ginny living with them at all, and James had been close to his dad since he was a baby. After Albus was born and Ginny's attentions shifted from one son to the other, James had always belonged to Harry. 

Things really had changed in their relationship over the past six years.

"My life isn't easy. Dad's been angry at me all day," Lily said. 

"What did you do?" 

Lily grinned slyly. "Some simple little spell, that's all. Dad told me if I did it one more time, he'd take my wand away till school started again. Not fair that everyone in the family can do magic but me."

"You're still underage. Besides, James doesn't perform any magic," Teddy corrected. 

"Sure," Lily scoffed. "Mr. High and Mighty, in his Muggle flat never does anything. Boy, does he have the wool pulled over your eyes." 

"Does not," Teddy said. 

"Only person blind to your complete love and adoration of him is…him. You look nice, by the way. When do you expect him to get here?" 

"I think he'll be here late, since it's easier to avoid your dad when there are a lot of people around," Teddy replied. 

"Wish he wouldn't. There are other people besides Dad here," Lily said, sounding sad. Teddy didn't reply, but nodded and patted Lily's hand. He knew exactly what she meant. 

Teddy was right; James didn't arrive until over an hour late. He looked even better than Teddy had imagined he would in a light blue collared shirt tucked into a pair of dark denims. The shirtsleeves were rolled half-way up his arms, accentuating those forearms Teddy adored. James made a beeline straight to Albus to congratulate him by messing up his hair and then hugging him. Albus smiled and said something that made James shake his head and laugh. James craned his neck, looking for a drink no doubt, and left Albus, but not before taking the opportunity to mess up his hair again. 

He made his way slowly through the party, having to stop and kiss aunts on the cheeks and shake hands with uncles. James did his best to avoid their small talk, and took a route to avoid his grandfather completely. Mr. Weasley liked to talk to James ad nauseum about his "Muggle life", and was always trying to finagle an invitation to James's flat. James had managed to avoid it so far. Mr. Weasley in James's flat would be like sending Charlie into a brothel and telling him to keep it in his pants. Weasleys and their lack of self-control; it made Teddy shake his head. Even Victoire was that way, not that Teddy had minded during the five minutes he and Victoire had lasted as a couple.

James greeted Neville briefly, and Teddy's stomach tightened with anticipation as James drew closer to where he was standing. Suddenly James's face froze, and he stopped abruptly. Teddy couldn't see who James was talking to, but it was undoubtedly one of two people. Ah. He'd guessed correctly, and watched as James awkwardly —and rather stiffly—shook hands with his dad. Teddy couldn't hear what they were saying over the din of people, but he shifted over a few feet and was able to discern James's and Harry's faces well enough to see their equally cold expressions. James nodded his head at Draco, then gestured towards the bar and moved on. 

"Bugger, I need one of these," James said with a huff, grabbing the bottle of whisky and looking for a glass. Teddy grinned at him and slid a tumbler towards him. 

"Ice?" 

"No, I'll have it neat. I just need a quick drink to start, and then I'll have something else. Whatever you're drinking looks good. Whisky and coke, right?" James asked, and without waiting for an answer, threw back the three fingers of straight whisky. "Ah."

"Ah, yeah—I—" Teddy fumbled, not quite sure how to respond. 

"You've been waiting by the drinks for me?" James asked with a cocky little grin. 

"Heard about last night. Thought you might need something for that hangover. Suppose hair-of the-dog works as well as anything else," he added, trying for a dash of humour. 

"Al tell you everything?" James said innocently. Teddy shrugged and nodded confidently. He had no idea if Albus had told him _everything_ , but he wasn't going to let James know that. 

"That bloke was bloody huge. I thought he broke my back when he jumped on me," James said, pushing his fringe back off his forehead. 

"Really—Albus didn’t really say much about that," Teddy said slowly, not sure what the hell James was talking about but hoping it wasn't…

"How could he? He was too busy coming and trying to put his prick away." 

"What?" Teddy thought his eyes were going to bulge out of his head. 

"Bloodied up my knuckles pretty bad," James said, holding up his right hand. His knuckles were swollen and bruised, with a few cuts and scrapes that had started to scab over. 

"Right, the fight." Teddy felt relief wash over him. "Albus said you took care of the bloke."

James shrugged. "I did, but I still paid for it. Not too bad though." 

"I can…um…heal those for you if you'd like," Teddy said, brushing his fingers lightly against James's damaged hand. "In the loo upstairs there's some Dittany." James looked down at Teddy's hand slowly stroking his, and Teddy could have sworn he saw James swallow very hard. 

"Jamie! Jamie! Get your arse over here!" James and Teddy looked up at the same time to find George standing on a dining room chair and hollering, his arm beckoning. Teddy could see Mrs. Weasley with an expression of barely suppressed fury making her way to George to pull him down from the chair. She probably thought he was pissed. But George hadn't had a drink in years. Everyone expected him to fall off the wagon one day though. Everyone except James, that was. Teddy was of two minds about it. If George did take up drinking again, who could blame him? 

"Sit your arse down," James hollered back, and pulled away from Teddy to go see his uncle. Teddy scowled, wanting to kick something as he watched James walk away, but then James turned around and mouthed, "One hour" at Teddy, tapping his watch, before turning and making his way over to George. 

The next hour was pure tedium for Teddy. He tried to entertain himself by watching James, but Albus passed by several times, warning him that if he didn't stop looking at his brother's arse, he was going to stun Teddy and hide him in a wardrobe till the party was over. He was entertained for a short time talking to Draco's son, and untangling himself from a classmate of Al's who had somehow got the completely wrong impression when he'd held the door open for her. She'd taken his act of courtesy as an invitation to push him up against the wall, rubbing herself against him and telling him how desperately randy she was. Teddy had passed her off to Charlie, unmindful of the fact that he was old enough to be her father—certainly Charlie didn't care. He glanced at his watch as he sidled though the crowd. Finally! He'd felt like that hour would never pass, and was anxious to get upstairs. 

One floor up and the party was only a muted din below. Teddy walked softly to the loo, but it was empty; no sign of James, and Teddy hadn't seen him downstairs in the past few minutes. He checked Albus's room, and the upstairs lounge; still no James. 

As Teddy pushed open the door to his own room, he whispered under his breath, _please be in here, please be in here._ He didn't want to go up to the next floor only to find James hiding in Harry's room, thinking it would be a laugh to have it off on his dad's bed. Teddy was sure Harry had it spelled to see who went in and out of his room. If he hadn't, then surely Draco had. Damn Slytherins never trusted anyone, even the people who lived in the same house. 

Teddy hadn't even crossed the threshold before he was grabbed by his arms and pushed roughly against the wall, the door slamming shut behind him. James's lips were on him before he could get a word out, and his shirt was being pulled out of his trousers. James tasted like something minty, underneath a miasma of alcoholic fumes, and Teddy wondered briefly if it was possible to get drunk from James's breath alone.

"Are you drunk?" Teddy said against James's mouth. "We were supposed to meet in the loo." 

"Drunk enough, and wanted you here instead," James murmured as he licked across Teddy's lips. 

"Why in my room?" Teddy tried to undo James's denims, but James was pressed too closely against him for Teddy to get his hand in between their bodies. 

"It's my room, and I always wanted to fuck you in my room."

"I don't care whose room you think it is, you can fuck me in it any time." 

James stopped at looked at Teddy. His eyes looked wild, his hair even wilder, and his shirt opened just slightly so that Teddy could see James's left collarbone. His skin was slightly tanned, with a light sheen of sweat, and the thought of James shirtless was enough to make Teddy stop pondering about the damn perfect collarbone and just kiss it. 

Teddy fisted his hands in James's shirt and spun them around so that James's back was to the wall, and kissed him roughly. He tugged James's shirt open wider, and breaking off the kiss, bent his head and licked across the exposed skin of his chest, licking and nipping at his collar bone and biting a line towards his shoulder. James moaned and held onto the back of Teddy's neck. Teddy considered kissing James all the way down his stomach to his cock and sucking him off as fast as he could. His mouth watered thinking about James's big hard cock, which he was grinding against Teddy's thigh. 

He ran the pad of his thumb across James's nipple, and James pressed against Teddy harder. 

"Fuck—Teddy," James said breathlessly, still grinding his cock against Teddy. He thought about dropping to his knees, but James's voice sounded so needy and ready that Teddy cursed his indecision and moved his mouth back up to kiss him on the lips. 

He sucked hard on James's full lower lip as he pressed himself harder against James, circling his hips in a furious motion. James keened as he fucked himself against Teddy's leg harder and faster. Teddy encouraged him, pressing his thigh to James as hard as he could. It was all hard panting and rough grinding. 

"Fuck—me," James said as he came. Teddy could feel the wet heat against his thigh and it made his cock throb. 

James dropped to his knees and pulled Teddy's cock from his trousers. He blew Teddy quickly, his head thudding softly on the wall with every back stroke. James sucked Teddy all the way down, his cock sliding effortlessly into James's throat. It didn't take long before Teddy was spilling himself in James's mouth. _Fuck._ He loved when he came like that. Teddy didn't care that it was something a fifteen year old would do; rub up against each other till they came in their pants or not even bother to get even half their clothes off. James made Teddy feel every bit as desperate and hard as if he were eternally fifteen.

Teddy lowered himself to his knees and kissed James soundly on the mouth. 

"I didn't even fix your hand," Teddy said, stroking his thumb under James's chin. 

"Doesn't matter. If you clean me up so I don't look like—well, like you just fucked me, I'll call it even," James said. 

"I can do both." 

Teddy took out his wand and made both himself and James more presentable. They stopped by the bathroom on the way back downstairs, and Teddy swabbed Dittany across James's knuckles. James leaned against the basin watching Teddy clean his hand. The swelling lessened immediately, and the scrapes disappeared as if they had never existed. 

"There you are, right as rain," Teddy said, leaning over James to put the Dittany back on the shelf. 

James laughed softly. "What's that supposed to mean?" 

Teddy shrugged. "I don't know. My grandmother used to say it when she cleaned me up. Said my Grandfather had always said it to my mum. You're the daft wizard living like a Muggle—shouldn't you know what it means?" 

"Thanks for calling me daft." James pulled Teddy close and kissed him, sliding his tongue softly past his lips. 

"Kiss me like that and I'll call you daft all you want." Teddy flicked his tongue along James's. 

James wormed his hand between their bodies and palmed Teddy's cock, rubbing slow circles. 

_Fuck!_ Teddy tried to pull away from James, hardly believing the words that came out of his mouth. "No. We have to go back. Al won't like it if we spend his entire party fornicating upstairs." 

"Please," James whinged.

"Come downstairs now like a good boy, and I promise to go home with you tonight," Teddy said, hoping James would agree. He didn't particularly care that much about the party, but wanted desperately to waste away Sunday morning with James. 

"Fine." James slid off the basin and kissed Teddy one last time. He laced his fingers between Teddy's and kept them there as they walked back downstairs. Teddy felt a little self-conscious; someone might see them holding hands and think—well—think all manner of things. What if someone said they were dating, and James heard the rumours and thought Teddy was going around telling people that? 

Teddy looked around for an escape and immediately spotted a buffet table laden with food.

"I'm famished," Teddy said at the foot of the stairs. He pulled away from James, and walked swiftly over to the trays of food. 

By eleven, most of the older family members had gone home, and Albus and Lily's friends had all congregated outside in the garden. Teddy looked around the house, which looked in a right state; it really needed to be cleaned up. He should find Harry to offer some help before he ran off with James. He was sure Harry would wave him away, but considering he lived there, he felt he had to at least offer. 

Teddy looked in the kitchen, sitting room, and dining room, but Harry was nowhere to be found. He went to Harry's office on the off chance that he was in there having drinks with people. 

"There you are." Teddy turned around from the doorway to Harry's office to see James walking towards him. "Ready to go?" 

"Let me see if I can help clean up first," Teddy said, pushing open the door, but the office was empty. 

James gestured over his shoulder with his thumb. "I think he's outside with everyone else." 

"James!" Harry roared. Teddy knew that tone and so did James. He saw James take a deep breath and stand to his full height, which was only an inch or two taller than Teddy, but it was still intimidating to see. Between Harry's voice and James's defensive stance, Teddy wanted to get the hell out of there. 

"James!" Harry looked down the corridor and saw James standing ready to face him. 

"What the hell is this?" Harry demanded. 

"What the hell is what?" Oh, bloody hell. James sounded seventeen again. 

"I just talked to Albus," Harry said, and turned an accusatory glare on Teddy. Teddy raised his hands, palms up, and shrugged. He had no idea what the hell was going on. 

"Oh, he told you," James said lightly. 

"You can ruin your own life, but don't go filling your brother's head full of your ideas!"

"I'm not ruining my life! And Albus can think for himself, in case you didn't notice," James yelled back. 

"Fucking hell, James," Ginny yelled from the entrance to the corridor. Teddy hadn't realised she was still here. "You're moving to _America_?" 

"What?" Teddy nearly shouted in a high-pitched voice that cracked sharply. His heartbeat sped up, blood thrumming loudly in his ears, and he felt like the wind had been knocked out of him. _America? Jesus fucking Christ!_ James turned and looked at him pleadingly, but Teddy's head was swimming, and both Harry and Ginny were yelling at him. 

"It's not enough you leave your family—now you have to leave the country?" 

"How could you even suggest such a thing to Albus?" 

"It's my own bloody life and I will go where I damn well please!" James yelled back, just as loudly as his parents. 

"Why? Why would you do this to me?" Ginny said.

"What did Albus tell you?" James demanded. 

"He said you were going to America for some apprenticeship and you _suggested_ he come with you. That he might like it and want to get away as well. You _cannot_ take your brother," Harry said, jabbing his finger towards the back garden. 

"Albus can make his own decisions. He doesn't need my help or yours," James said, eyes narrowed and face flushed with anger. 

"If Albus runs off to live some Muggle life—"

"Let him live his own life and make his own decisions. God knows it wouldn't hurt to let _one_ of your sons do that," James said, gesturing furiously with his hands. 

"Do not come here and spout off your crap, James Sirius," Ginny yelled. 

"Don't act like this is your house, _Mum_." 

"Do _not_ talk to your mother that way!" Harry roared. 

"Right, sorry, Dad. I forgot about all the hard work she did raising us," James sneered, and with a loud huff, he turned on his heel and thundered down the corridor, the door slamming behind him as he stormed out of the house. 

Harry looked at Teddy. His eyes were ablaze, and Teddy actually shied away, wondering if it were truly possible for someone to self-combust, or whether Harry would draw is wand and use it on his own godson. Ginny glared just as viciously at him. 

"Harry—I, I didn't—I didn't know," Teddy said, his throat so completely parched that the words wouldn't quite come out right. He'd honestly had no idea that James had been considering this, and had he known, he might be able to breathe. As it was, his chest felt like someone had stabbed it with a dozen steel-tipped knives. 

Harry shook his head and put his hand on Ginny's shoulder. "Come on, Gin, I think Draco has some extra bottles of wine stowed away somewhere. I need a drink." 

Teddy felt stuck for a moment, the world tilting all around him, but even before it had righted itself, he found himself walking. He pushed past Harry and Ginny and was out in the back garden, ignoring the vertigo and swallowing against the bile rising in his gorge. He looked wildly around for James, assuming this was where he had come to kick Albus for opening his big fucking—but highly informative—mouth. There was no sign of James though. 

Teddy ran around the front to catch James, who was no doubt walking to the station. This was the first time Teddy could ever remember being grateful that James didn't do something wizarding like Apparation. 

He slammed the wrought iron gate closed behind him, and saw James about fifty metres or so down the street. Teddy jogged on the pavement trying to catch up to James, who was dashing off fairly quickly with his long angry strides. Before Teddy could call out, James turned around, obviously hearing the pursuit. He stood with his legs apart, hands on hips, and glared. 

"What?" James demanded.

"Don't…yell at…me," Teddy huffed, a little out of breath. "I didn't attack you." 

James rolled his bottom lip into his mouth, biting on it, lowered his arms and shifted his weight from one foot to the other. "Right, sorry." 

"Why didn't you tell me?" Teddy asked, trying his best to hide his hurt, anger, and confusion. 

"Tell you what?" James had the gall to say. Teddy glared at him. "Sorry, I know—I—I didn't want to say anything till it was certain. At this point I've only applied, nothing else. I just got the letter saying I was on the final list for prospective applicants. I've been waiting to hear from them for over a week." James was hiding something; Teddy could tell by the way he wouldn't look him in the eye. He was sure that what James had said was the truth, but Teddy knew he'd omitted something important.

"You _still_ could have told me," Teddy retorted, finally dropping his mask, eyes blazing almost as intensely as Harry's had been earlier. He could never mask his emotions for long.

"I didn’t want to bring it up." 

"You told Albus." 

"He's my brother," James scoffed dismissively. Teddy flinched. "What?" 

"Your brother. And I'm—" Teddy wanted to say 'nobody important' but he couldn't. He couldn't demand affection or special treatment from James. James obviously didn't see him that way. 

"You're what?" James said. 

Teddy sighed heavily and looked at James. James; everything Teddy wanted, and could never have. He felt something give in his chest, and he desperately needed to sit down. "I'm tired. Goodnight, James," Teddy said, and turned to go. He couldn't do this, not right now, his insides already felt like they were in a vice and his chest ached. He wasn't even a consideration in James's mind.

"Teddy," James said in an oddly hollow voice, and grabbed Teddy by the shoulder. "Aren't you…aren't you coming home with me?" If Teddy hadn't known better, he'd have thought that James said that rather earnestly. 

"Not tonight." 

"Oh, yes, well—I—goodnight, Teddy," James said, and walked back towards the train station, his head bowed, and his pace much slower. Teddy felt a renewed pang in his chest watching him walk away.

Teddy didn't go home right away. He was tired, and while lying down sounded nice, he really didn't want to go back to a house still full of people. With his luck, they'd drag him out back into the midst of the crowd and make him socialise. 

He wandered aimlessly about the neighbourhood until full night descended and the stars began to come out, tiny pinpricks of silvery white against a deep blue-black. There were a few people out, and he'd nodded and waved absently as he'd passed, but now everyone had retired to their beds. When he returned to Harry's, the house was dark and quiet. Al and his friends were probably off at a pub somewhere, and Lily had likely sneaked off with them. 

Teddy slipped inside and crept silently up to his room. As the door snicked shut behind him, he took a deep breath as if he could still smell James in his room. He stared at the wall where only hours earlier... Defeated, Teddy sighed and shuffled to his bed, flopping down face first, and preparing himself for a long, sleepless night.

*******

By six the next morning, Teddy gave up trying to sleep and went to find something to eat. To his surprise, Harry was in the kitchen, leaning against the counter, one hand wrapped around a mug of tea held just below his chin, and the other arm crossed. He was gazing intently at a random spot on the floor, frowning, obviously in a state of deep thought.

"Sorry to interrupt. I'll just get some tea and go," Teddy said. 

"Hmm? No, it's fine. Stay," Harry replied, blinking. Teddy took out mug and teabag, and poured water from the already steaming kettle sitting on the stove. 

"You look like hell. Couldn't sleep?" Harry asked, and Teddy nodded.

"Same for you, eh?" Teddy said with a vague gesture. Harry looked exhausted. There were light shadows under his bloodshot eyes, and the crease between his brows looked very pronounced. His stubble, flecked with grey, bristled like a fledgling hedgehog, and his glasses were a little crooked as though he simply couldn't be bothered to straighten them. 

Harry bobbed his head in semi-nod of acknowledgement. "Draco pushed me out of bed. He's a bed hog, doesn't share well." Harry snorted and Teddy bit his lip to keep from blurting out, 'That's what happens when you date a selfish prig.' Instead, he turned away and focused on the steam curling from his mug. 

"Teddy?" 

"Yeah?" 

"Why didn't you tell me about James? At least warn me?" Teddy looked up from his cup. Harry knew about his relationship with James—knew that it existed, at least—but had never interfered, never pried for details, nor asked many questions at all. He would occasionally ask, "How's James?" or "Have you seen Jamie, lately?" but nothing beyond that. 

"I didn't know. Not even a hint," Teddy said roughly, trying to swallow around the lump in his throat. 

"I'm…very sorry," Harry said, and he slung an arm around Teddy in that fatherly way he had with him sometimes. "I would have thought…I didn't know." 

"Yeah, well—" Teddy shrugged, unable to think of a suitable reply, and Harry tightened his grip on him.

Harry had always been good to Teddy. He had balanced the relationship of "father figure" and friend so well that Teddy never quite ached for his own dad to miraculously return from the dead. Sure, he was curious about his father like any orphaned child would be, and there were times when he'd felt something akin to regret, but he'd never really experienced the loneliness that others might from such a loss. Harry always did his best by Teddy, and Teddy knew that. 

When James was younger, he used to tease Teddy that he was actually the eldest son Harry always wanted and that he, James, could never measure up to the path blazed by the great Teddy Lupin. Teddy knew it wasn't true, and sometimes he wondered, considering the current rift, if James still felt that way. James—and Albus and Lily—were Harry's children, and always would be. They had a bond that Teddy would never have, but it was also true that he and Harry had one that was also special in itself. Harry wasn't, nor did he ever try to be, his 'father', and was in fact adamant about the notion that he would not, could not, replace his real father. 

"Remus is your father," Harry had said to him. "Remus will always _be_ your father, and you should be proud of that. I can't replace him, but I can—and always will—be here for you, whatever you need." And he had. He'd never quite known how to explain it to James, because it wasn't something that was easily put into words. Not really. But if James still felt that way.... 

It bothered Teddy even more now to think of the shambles James and Harry's relationship had become. Maybe that's why James hadn't told Teddy? Did James resent Teddy for living in his house, taking over his room, having a good relationship with Harry? Teddy sighed. 

"You aren't going to cry, are you?" Harry said, a wry smile accompanying the air of teasing in his voice.

" _God_ , no. Who do you think I am? Draco?" Teddy replied, shaking his head, and Harry chuckled. 

"Draco doesn’t cry." 

"Did when I punched him in the mouth." 

Harry smiled widely. "You punched him? I didn't know about this. Is that why you two have such a…unique relationship?"

Teddy barked a laugh. "Unique. Ha! We bloody hate each other. When I was ten or eleven, Gran and his mum decided it was a good idea for us to get together for tea once a month. Something about mending family bonds, or some crap like that. Gran and I arrived at _Malfoy Manor_ and one of their house-elves let us in. Draco's mum welcomed us then excused herself for a minute. We could hear her and Draco arguing in the entrance hall. He said he would be damned if he was going to sit through tea with a mudblood lover and her werewolf pup excuse for a grandchild, so I stormed out of the room and punched him. Right in the mouth. There was blood everywhere." Teddy shrugged and took a sip of his tea. "He shouldn't have insulted my grandmother like that." 

Harry chuckled, murmuring, "Eleven. Christ," but then sobered, a grim expression steeling over his face. He sighed. "I'm not making excuses for him. Don't make that face, I'm really not. But Draco's changed a lot, you know." Harry sighed and waved his hand dismissively. "Trust me. He's very different now, and back then, well, there were some things going on—"

"Like what?" Teddy demanded. 

"Well, for one, his dad had just died, and for another, he was in the middle of a divorce. And then there was me, fresh off my divorce…we tried to make something happen between—" Harry gestured vaguely to indicate Draco and himself. 

"I had no idea," Teddy said.

"Well, you were only eleven. I wasn't going to go around talking about my love life with you. Anyway, it was complicated, and he was probably angry about a lot of things, so seeing you, my godson, wasn't going to make him feel any better at the time." 

Teddy pinched his face and looked at directly at Harry. "Did you just say 'love life'? I think I'm going to be sick." 

Harry pushed Teddy playfully. "Don't look at me like Al or James would. I'm an adult and I have a love life." 

"Again with that phrase," Teddy whinged. "Would you stop it? Next thing you know you're going to start talking about the kinky things he does to you." 

"Does to _me_?" Harry smirked, and Teddy felt his stomach heave uncomfortably. 

"Oh my God! No more! Please stop." Teddy shuddered and Harry laughed at his discomfort. "I'm going to try and go get some sleep and burn those words from my mind," Teddy said, rising from his chair and putting his mug in the sink. 

"Maybe now you and Draco can get along better?" Harry said hopefully.

Teddy grinned and said without thinking, "Yeah, and I'm sure you and my boyfriend will be good chums any day now." Harry eyes widened and Teddy tried to back pedal. "No, I meant it as a joke—and—and—and he's not. Harry, I was just being sarcastic and—" 

"No, Teddy, I know. I'm not upset. You're tired, go get some sleep," Harry said, cutting Teddy off. "No, really, go on." 

"Sorry," Teddy said again before leaving the kitchen.

He promised himself that when he saw Draco later that day, he would attempt a proper greeting; a half-hearted one at least.

*******

Teddy didn't get very much sleep on Sunday. The house was too loud with the kids home all day, and all he thought of was James. By mid-morning he felt stretched to his limit. He finally collapsed out of sheer exhaustion sometime around eleven, and woke in the late afternoon harder than a rock. He was still thinking of James, and had very likely been dreaming about him as well. Teddy's chest ached for James; he wanted to go to his flat and pin him up against the wall, kiss him hard and rough, and then fuck him really _really_ hard. No wonder his cock ached so badly.

He lay on his back, stroking his prick and thinking of James and the way he had sucked his cock only twenty-four hours earlier in this room. Teddy came quickly, but the only pleasure he felt in his orgasm was from the physical release itself. Emotionally, he still ached for James. 

Half of him was delusional from lack of sleep while the other half was delusional from the fact that most of his blood was still concentrated in the area of his groin, obviously impeding his brain from functioning properly. He rose from his bed, dressed quickly, and Apparated, uncaring if he was noticed, to the front of James's building. His sense finally caught up with him just as he reached James's door, hand half-raised and preparing to knock. 

Why the hell was he here? 

He couldn't even answer that question. No, actually he could. He could not allow James to run off to America without talking to him about it. He needed answers, and James owed him at least that much. If there was any chance at all that James would stay.... Bugger it all! He'd _make_ him stay. He was _not_ going to let James run off to America and get some bloody American boyfriend with some horrible American name like...Turmeric and Cyan. Fucking daft names. He'd heard stories about those Americans and their practises, circumcising every cock in sight; James and his unnatural love for foreskin wouldn't tolerate that.

Teddy rapped his fist demandingly hard on the door. He heard footsteps moving across the floor towards the door, then a pause—James must have been peering at him out that peep hole thingy—followed by a _snick_ as the locks clicked in turn, and James opened the door. 

He was dressed in a pair of very nice dark blue trousers, a white shirt, and a silk tie. If Teddy lived to be two-hundred years old he would never forget the colours in James's tie. It was gold with dark brown stripes, and a thinner brown stripe that matched the colour of James's eyes. In his left hand he carried a green bottle of beer. 

"You look—" Teddy couldn’t finish the sentence; unable to find even a single word to describe how he thought James looked at this moment. On one hand he _looked_ absolutely gorgeous, but on the other, that beautiful perfect looking person was breaking his heart. 

"I had an interview earlier and a dinner thing later. Come in." James smiled softly and motioned Teddy in. 

"Your flatmate about?" Teddy asked. 

"He was working today. He'll be back in a bit. Beer?" 

"No. Why didn't you tell me?" Teddy jumped right in without any preamble, without any warning, and if James lashed out angrily, then so be it. Teddy deserved an explanation. 

James looked dolefully at Teddy. "I told you the truth the other night. I didn't want to say anything till it was certain," he said softly. 

"I'm not just anyone, James. Who was there for you all those years, listening when you needed someone to talk to? About how hard it was for you being Harry's son, how hard it was to have all these expectation heaped on you just because you were a Potter. Not only was your dad some great hero, but his dad and his godfather were too. That you were expected to do all these great things, except people forgot to notice there wasn't a war on anymore, and just because you carried their names it didn't make you them, or even remotely like them. 

"I _listened_. I listened when all the magazines and newspapers printed stories about your family and they hurt you. I was in the bloody _room_ when you told your parents they could take this wizarding crap and shove it. I was _always_ there to hear those things, and more, I was always there for _you_. For fuck's sake, James, I deserve better than some last minute, offhand, "oh, by the way" shite!" 

"I'm sorry, all right?" James put his bottle down on a side table with a loud clank, his eyes burning bright with exasperation and a touch of anger. "I didn't know you'd get so naffed off at me. I wasn't trying to hide things from you!" 

"You don't even consider me for one bloody moment!"

"That is _not_ true," James retorted, his voice low and dangerous. "There isn't anyone I consider more than you." 

"Yeah, right. Prove it," Teddy spat. 

James, with his lean long legs, crossed the distance to Teddy in less than two full strides. He kissed Teddy roughly, teeth crashing gloriously and painfully into Teddy's lips. Teddy grabbed the back of James's head, holding James to him so he could kiss back just as angrily, just as needy. He _needed_ James and he was going to prove that. 

He grabbed James's tie, wrapping it firmly around his hand, and tugged, leading him to the bedroom. He wanted to bugger James right here on the table, but Teddy's desire hadn't overtaken his decency—yet—and he remembered the godforsaken flatmate was due home at any time. 

Teddy ripped off his own clothes, he hadn't even bothered to notice what he was wearing, he'd left the house in such a rush. James kicked off his shoes and pulled off his tie without fully undoing the knot, quickly flicked the buttons of his cuffs, and pulled his shirt over his head without bothering to open all the buttons. His belt jangled as he pulled down his trousers and pants in one swift motion. 

James's smooth body and swelling prick were just what he needed right now. He slammed the bedroom door shut and then pushed James down on the bed, licking across the column of James's neck to the perfect angle of his jaw. James's cologne smelled wonderfully musky, and the alcohol in it burned ever so slightly on his tongue. He fisted his hands in James's hair, kissing him roughly once again. 

Under Teddy, James moaned and his hands scrabbled to hold Teddy tightly on him. He always wanted James to hold him tightly, always wanted him this close and this desperate. 

"I want you to fuck me," Teddy said, breaking their kiss. James's chest heaved his effort and his eyes widened in surprise. "I want your cock inside me." Teddy kissed James again, this time softer, with more lips and softer tongues. 

He rolled off James and positioned himself on his hands and knees, turning to look over his shoulder as James walked to his wardrobe, heavy cock bobbing in front of him. He watched him slick his fingers and prick, and then crawl back on the bed with Teddy. 

James leant over Teddy's back and rested his chin on Teddy's shoulder. "You sure you want it like this?" he whispered.

"Yes."

Teddy let out a long slow breath as he felt James's fingers work their way slowly inside and tried to relax. It had been a long time since he'd let anyone fuck him, and James, bastard that he was, wasn't going easy on him. But he wanted this, wanted James, and it felt so fucking good. He rocked himself back and forth as James fucked him open. 

"Fuck, you love this, don't you," James murmured. "Look at you." 

Teddy rocked faster, fucking himself on James's fingers, his prick hitting him lightly in the stomach with each movement. James put in another finger, stretching him wider, and Teddy hissed, hesitating slightly. 

"Take it," James said, and rotated his fingers inside. Teddy half-gasped, half-grunted, James's voice going straight to his prick, and pushed back against his hand, listening to what he had been told. "That's it, you can take it, open for me," James said. 

Teddy lowered his head; sweat was running freely down his face, and he felt as though he would burst at any moment. "Fuck, James, fuck me right fucking now," he gasped, the lower part of his stomach boiling with eagerness. 

James chuckled softly and withdrew his fingers, spread Teddy's knees wider and knelt behind him, the tip of his cock teasing against Teddy's hole. Teddy contracted his muscles and arched his back. 

James pushed in slowly at first, the tip of his cock barely inside, and just as Teddy was about to protest, he greedily pushed all the way in with one swift thrust. Teddy couldn't help but grunt as his elbows buckled slightly and a sharp burn tore through him, making his eyes water.

Before James could slide backwards, Teddy said, "Stop, don't move." The pain was less sharp now, and he clenched and flexed his muscles, hearing James gasp in response. He wanted to feel this—feel all of it; James's cock buried deep inside him, James's hot breath on his back, his own cock aching for James's touch. He wanted all of this, and if James was really going to leave, he didn't want to forget it. He wanted to savour every last drop of him for as long as he could. 

"Okay," Teddy panted, and James squeezed Teddy's hips briefly in acknowledgement, pulling back slowly and then thrusting forward again more slowly and with a gentler stroke. 

"Fuck," James breathed, steadying his grip on Teddy's waist and setting a slow, even rhythm. 

James moved so slowly that Teddy could feel every fraction of his prick in him. _Slowly, slowly. In and out._ His spine tingled, and his balls ached with the need to come. "Yesss..." he hissed under his breath. Oh fuck, yes.

"You like that?" James said. Teddy moaned and nodded. "Good, I like being in you. We don't do it like this nearly enough. You need to be reminded more often." 

"God, yes," Teddy moaned, a spark of something—hope?—stealing over him. _More often_. Every fucking day if only he'd stay. James thrust inside him, balls deep, and paused, and Teddy let out a strangled cry, grinding himself hard against James. "Oh God, Jamie, so good, so...please..."

James ran his hand across the small of Teddy's back, fingertips touching every knob of his spine all the way to the back of Teddy's neck. His touch was so gentle, so tender, that Teddy wanted to weep. He arched his back, and pressed his arse against James, wanting desperately to be fucked hard, and yet not wanting him to pull back. "Need you..." he murmured, barely aware of the words. 

James mumbled something too quietly for Teddy to make out the words. He wasn't even sure whether it was actual words or merely an exhalation of breath against his skin. James slid his other hand up Teddy's back and gooseflesh erupted on Teddy's skin from the warm touch. James slid both hands to Teddy's chest and pulled lightly at Teddy's nipples. 

"Fuck," Teddy breathed, and James made a humming noise in the back of his throat. He ran his hands down the planes of Teddy's chest to his belly, lightly tickling his navel. 

"Jesus," James said, "I love touching you." He flattened himself against Teddy's back, wrapping their bodies together, still slowly fucking Teddy with tiny thrusts of his hips. 

James's chest was warm and slick with perspiration, and the heat of him smouldered against Teddy's skin. Teddy inhaled the scent of clean sweat and raw sex, and his balls tightened. He wanted to come, oh God, he wanted to come. He also wanted to lie here just like this, James pressed tight against him and his cock so deep inside him, forever. 

James pressed an open mouth kiss to Teddy's back, and then another, with a long, slow swipe of his tongue. "Love the way you taste," he whispered. Teddy groaned and pushed back forcefully in appreciation and not a little awe. He'd come here wanting—no, needing—to fuck James into oblivion, and instead, James was the one fucking him, and not just fucking him; in his own way, James was making love to him. 

"Please, Jamie, touch me. More..."

James slid one hand lower and cradled Teddy's cock in his hand. "Love the feel of your cock. You're so hard for me. Maybe I was wrong. Maybe you need to fuck _me_ more often," James said against Teddy's skin. 

He pushed Teddy's prick up against his stomach, sliding it against his hand from palm to fingertips and back, his touch teasing against his foreskin, pressing harder lower down against his sac. It felt so good to have his prick played with, and Teddy groaned, rocking his hips to increase the friction. So close, so fucking close... 

"Anxious?" James canted his hips and thrust sharply, and Teddy's knees buckled. James chuckled and pulled him back into place, quickening his pace. "Liked that, huh?"

"God fucking hell, yes," Teddy said not even pretending he could wait much longer. 

"How 'bout now?" James cupped Teddy's balls with his other hand. 

"G—hhhh—od," Teddy gasped. 

"Beg me, Teddy, beg me to spill myself in you, beg me to stroke you till you come." Somehow James made the command sound sweet and endearing. 

"Please, James, please." His voice was a ragged sob. "Want to come. Want everything, I want everything." Sweat was dripping from his brow and chest, pooling in the hollow of his lower back, he was light-headed and near delirious, and his skin tingled with need. "Please..." 

"Anything," James whispered. 

He encircled Teddy with one arm around his waist while the other gripped Teddy's cock. He pulled Teddy back onto his cock, riding him hard, thrusting faster and stroking Teddy's cock. 

"Come for me, please come," James begged in a deep whisper. James never begged, not like that, and Teddy was completely done for. His own desperate need for James, for this, for everything was so tightly wound, so intertwined, that when he came, it was as though a damn had burst somewhere deep inside him. It roared through his body and finally found its release, so intense his entire body shook, his arse flexing and tightening around James's cock as he spilled himself all over James's hand, the bed, his stomach; everywhere. 

James let out a string of elegant curses, as he came, his favourites involving Jesus and a number of things that would make a clergyman blanch, his pelvis slapping roughly against Teddy's arse. 

James kissed Teddy lightly on the back of his neck, and lowered him slowly to the bed, gently easing his cock out, and rolling over onto his side. 

"Lie here with me," James said, pulling Teddy to him so that they were spooning. 

Teddy didn't object, and couldn't have, even had he wanted to. He felt completely boneless and sated, and it took him a moment to collect his thoughts.

"You said something about a dinner thing." 

"That's not till later." James lifted his head up and squinted at his alarm clock.

Teddy rolled his eyes. He really should just give up and wear his bloody glasses. "It's half six." 

"Good. I still have some time. You need to leave?" 

Teddy shook his head and James put his head back down, nuzzling the back of Teddy's neck. Teddy smiled, but it felt somehow hollow. James was leaving; it couldn’t always be like this. 

"When do you leave?"

"Don't know if I'm even going. Met with the guy today and it went well. He invited me out to dinner with his work associate. They want to talk more about the project, which is bloody fascinating. It's _green_ , you know, meaning environmentally friendly, and they're doing all sorts of energy saving designs and it's…well, it's really cool and it's an amazing opportunity for someone like me." 

James sounded so eager, and while Teddy could easily picture the way his eyes must be lighting up as he spoke—he always loved to see it, and he truly wanted James to be happy, but it was another thing entirely when achieving that happiness meant losing him. Teddy huffed silently to himself. _As if I ever really had him in the first place._

"They like you?" Teddy asked. 

"Think so." He could feel James shrug behind him. 

"But you don't know if you're going." 

"I haven't made up my mind yet. Still wondering about some things," James said. 

"Like what?" 

"Like…" James took a deep breath. "Like, what you think."

" _Me_? Other than I was pretty damn shocked, I think it sounds like a good apprenticeship and you sound excited. I think you should do what you want," Teddy said, lying through his bloody teeth. He hated being so conflicted, but he hated the idea of James moving across the bloody Atlantic Ocean even more. James didn't reply, and Teddy didn't know what to make of it. "Is there anything else?" Teddy prodded. 

"Er…well…there's my dad I suppose. I'm still waiting for him to Apparate directly inside my flat." Teddy could hear the sheepish smile on James's face. "He came and talked to me once. Not recently, but way back when I first moved out into George's old place above the shop," James said.

"I—didn't know," Teddy said softly. He didn't think Harry had ever gone round to see James. Ever. 

"It was after that really big row, when I finally left. Remember that?" 

Teddy chuckled despite himself, amused that James would even ask. That day was one he would never forget. He had never seen Harry so angry, and even Ginny showed up, which hadn't helped matters, and in fact had probably made things worse. He hadn't seen Harry and Ginny agree since…well…it had been a very long time, early in their marriage. James, in his brash way, had casually announced his plan at his first dinner back after leaving Hogwarts his seventh year. Harry had sent Al and Lily from the room and fire called Ginny all within seconds. He'd given Teddy a dark look, but Teddy had stood firm: he wouldn't leave the room, nor would he let James stand there alone. That's not to say he'd agreed with James's decision—he'd thought it was completely daft idea— but he knew why James felt the way he did, and he'd supported him fully.

"My dad came over and he was…sad. I hadn't ever seen him sad like that. He told me magic was a gift and that I was beyond lucky to have it. He said that when he found out he was a wizard, it was one of the greatest things that ever happened to him. Then he said he was sorry that it wasn't always easy being his son, that he never wanted me to feel burdened with those sort of expectations. The way he talked to me...it made me—it made me feel like a man. He asked me not to go. He said if I would stay, he'd pay for my school. He didn't want me to leave." 

"And you turned him down. Why?" 

"Because I was barely eighteen. Because I knew I could never be what he wanted me to be, that I'd disappoint him, no matter what he said. Because the weight of those expectations felt so crushing to me, and I just had to. I had to leave them completely behind, had to leave. I didn't see any other choice."

"So you're going to go to America because there are still expectations?" 

"No, I'm going because he'll never forgive me. How many times have I seen him since? Three maybe? And every time I look at him, all I can see is how disappointed he is in me. You saw him yesterday. I can't go back." Teddy heard him take a deep breath, and exhale slowly, and was conscious of James's finger tracing absent circles on his arm. 

"I like my life, love what I am studying, but...I miss being a wizard. I mean, I miss it, especially when I spend time with you. Other times, too, but...I don't know. Going there will make it easier. I'll be busy, doing something I love, and I won't miss it. I won't see things everywhere and know it's a wizarding house, or see the entrance to a wizarding pub I used to go to, or a schoolmate I used to hang about with. It's a clean break." 

_A clean break_. The words echoed in Teddy's head and stabbed him straight through his heart. "You'll finish school there?" His voice sounded choked, his throat so tight he had to concentrate on squeezing the words out. 

"If I go, yes. The company has some deal with Yale." 

_Yale, big fucking deal_ , he thought. He closed his eyes and swallowed, James's words like ice piercing his chest. Even with James holding him, his chest so warm against Teddy's back, he felt numb, frostbitten. 

"Can you think of a reason I should stay?" James whispered.

_"Me",_ Teddy wanted to say. He opened his eyes, staring at the lighted red numbers on James's alarm clock. 6:44 p.m. _Clocks should tick,_ he thought absently and sighed. No, he couldn't think of a reason, not a valid one, so he remained silent.

***

Teddy didn't wait around to watch James get dressed—again—for his big important dinner. He couldn't stomach that right now.

He went home and took the hottest shower he could possibly stand. As the spray washed over his face, he realized he hadn't showered since yesterday morning, and snorted. Well, James hadn't complained; far from it. He washed himself twice, and his cock three times for good measure. He toyed with the idea of a wank but he wasn't really into it. 

He turned off the water and stepped out of the shower, wrapped a towel around his waist and looked at himself in the mirror. He wasn't a bad looking fellow. Good hair that came in a variety of colours, clear skin, medium height and build, and a firm enough chest and stomach. His eyes were a nice warm brown—not the light glowing brown of James's, but they were still pleasant to look at—and he had a firm jaw and a nicely shaped chin. His grandmother called it a 'Black chin'; she'd had one herself, and he knew from pictures that his had come from his mum. 

Teddy also knew he was clever, had a good, albeit dry, sense of humour, and he was a stand up bloke. Why was it then that James didn't want him? Well, James obviously wanted him sexually, but that wasn't the point. He thought about the question even though he was sure he already knew the answer. Teddy had always come too easily to James. There was no challenge there, at least once James had stubbornly argued his way past the like-a-brother thing and, years earlier, the underage thing. There was obviously a highly charged sexual attraction between them on both their accounts, but sex wasn't love. He couldn't make James want him—love him—the same way he wanted and loved James. 

Teddy stared at himself in the mirror and darkened his hair, shortening it till the mess was perfect. He deepened the shade of his eyes to the brown of James's, with small gold flecks, lengthened his nose, and made his jaw a little more pronounced, making adjustments to face and body until he looked exactly like James. He smiled and it was James smiling back at him, even down to the crinkles around his eyes. There was none of the warmth though. The smile was forced and looked nothing like James's genuine one. Still Teddy's heart ached to see it. He loved when James smiled. Loved when James smiled at him even more. 

"I love you, Teddy. I'm sorry I never told you. Going to America is a completely rubbish idea. I'm going to stay here with you forever." Teddy spoke the words to the mirror, wanting so much to believe it was the real James talking to him. Teddy laughed bitterly at his completely mental self. Changing your appearance just to hear James say he loved you…fucking pathetic. Not to mention, it was still his own voice, not James's slightly deeper tenor.

Teddy closed his eyes and sighed heavily. He opened them again and began to change his appearance once again. His eyes were now bright green, the face slightly rounder, and he gave himself a five o'clock shadow that was appropriate for this time of day. He lengthened the hair a bit in spots, adding strands of grey here and there, concentrated more at the temples. As a final touch he added the unmistakable lightning-shaped scar on his forehead. There. Now he looked exactly like Harry, except he wasn't blind as a bat. 

He could nick an extra pair of Harry's glasses and some of his clothes. That wouldn't be difficult. Then he could go over to James's place and ask him to stay; tell him everything would be forgiven if he just came home. "You can even have your old room back, Teddy won't mind," he said convincingly in the mirror. 

A sharp knock on the door jolted Teddy from his rather irrational state. 

"Are you talking to yourself in the third person?" Albus yelled. 

"No! Sod off." 

"Open the door, Teddy," Albus huffed.

Teddy quickly altered his featured back to normal, opened the door just a crack and looked at Albus. "What?"

"Stop being a pathetic sod and come out with me and Lily." 

"What? No, I'm fine." 

" _Sure_ you are. So fine you're talking to yourself in the mirror. Now come on." Albus yanked Teddy out of the bathroom. "For the sake of Merlin's balls, it's just James. I don't know how you even stand being around him so much."

"I just do," Teddy replied sullenly.

"Must be genetic. McGonagall told me once that he's just like my grandpa and a lot like Sirius, and your dad didn't mind them too much."

"Don't know about your grandpa, but no doubt it helped that my dad was buggering Sirius into the mattress every night." 

"Yeah, father and son, all that rubbish. Now go get dressed." Albus pushed Teddy into his room. 

Teddy got dressed like he was told, though his heart wasn't at all in it. He didn't really want to go out with a couple of teenagers, feeling he was a bit old for that, but he wouldn't put it past Albus to resort to _Imperius_ if he refused. 

They weren't going to Diagon Alley so they couldn't take the Floo to get there. For half an hour before they left, Lily had all but thrown a fit on how demeaning side-along Apparition was, and why couldn't they just get there some other way. Teddy was all set to interject with, "Fine, then we can just stay home," but Albus bribed her by offering to buy all the drinks. She finally relented but didn't trust Albus to take her. As she looped her hand through the crook of Teddy's arm, he could hear her grumbling that James would know a way to get there without magic. 

Albus led the way through a couple of streets Teddy was vaguely familiar with, but after a few turns, he was no longer sure where they were. As far as he knew, there were no wizarding pubs in this area. 

"Are we going to a Muggle pub?" Teddy asked. 

"Nope," Albus said, shaking his head but failing to provide any further information. 

"Are we almost there? I wasn't expecting to walk this far," Lily complained as she teetered on her high heels. 

"This is the last time I take anyone out. It's right there," Albus said, pointing towards an old abandoned warehouse.

Teddy looked from the warehouse to Albus, then back at the warehouse again. "Are you fucking mental?" Teddy asked, incredulous, his voice coming out so high he was sure only bats could hear him. 

"Why, what's wrong?" Albus asked, his expression a little too innocent to be genuine. 

"You cannot seriously think this is a good idea," Teddy replied. 

"We come here all the time," Albus said.

" _We_? You bring your sixteen year-old sister here? Jesus fucking Christ," Teddy said adopting some of James's language. 

"Let's stop mincing around," Albus said, heading for the entrance. 

"Al." Teddy grabbed Albus's wrist. "Let's go somewhere else. This isn't the kind of place either of you should be hanging around." 

"Relax, Teddy, it'll be fun," Lily said as she sailed by him towards the doors. Teddy's stomach clenched watching Lily walk away from him; her skirt was far too short for this place. Hell, it was too short, period. Jesus Christ, he sounded like Harry. He sighed and shook his head, the thought, _why me?_ forefront in his mind, and reluctantly followed.

As they walked through the decrepit, boarded up-appearing entrance, he felt the tingle of magic, and the scenery changed abruptly. The first thing that assaulted Teddy's senses was the cigarette smoke, so thick and acrid he felt like his ability to breathe was completely constrained. This was followed by music so loud it made his ears ring, and was only drowned out by the clanging bells and whistles of the knut slot machines. Between the music, the machines themselves, and the coins dispensing when some old hag won, it was enough that less than thirty seconds after walking through the door, he already had a Horntail-sized headache. The place was decorated in absolutely garish colours that should have been outlawed from being displayed all in one place together, and multi-coloured lights flashed at intervals, forcing him to blink rather frequently.

Teddy knew this place well. He had spent two months, one week, and four days here doing undercover work when he was in Auror training. Owned by a former—and current, he knew—Moroccan con-artist, who had fled to England after managing to evade charges from the French Ministry, it was known simply as _Magique_.

Mostly _Magique_ was all right; a sort of cheap Monte Carlo-meets-dance-club-meets-pub-meets-hotel, and from the rumours, brothel. The owner, a Muggleborn, apparently decided to meld a collection of Muggle entertainments, enhanced with wizarding flair of course, into a single one–place-serves-all establishment. The bad part about it, from a legal perspective, was that it was a roving establishment, and never stayed in any one location for more than a couple weeks at a time. It attracted unsavoury clientèle because of the transient manner by which it was operated, and was a hotbed for (mostly) illegal substances, illegally traded imports, and the occasional bit of organized crime. When Teddy had worked here undercover, he'd been certain it was almost completely organized crime, but hadn't been there long enough to prove that theory, nor was it his job to do so. That was one of the reason he'd hated being an Auror. It made him feel like his balls had been cut off. 

"Let's go get a drink!" Albus yelled over the noise. 

"God damn it, Albus, you're lucky you're not dead yet," Teddy grumbled as they pushed their way past the security, who hadn't even bothered to check for identification of any kind, but merely stood there, immense and glaring, hands poised near their pockets that surely contained at least one wand, and followed Albus and Lily down the stairs and into the throng. 

They weaved their way through the rows of slot machines and gaming tables. Old hags and grannies sat at the slots, shovelling in one coin after another, with a drink in one hand, and pipes or fags hanging from their lips. They went by a row of plush velvet chairs that all faced a large black board which updated national and international Quidditch information. The seats were mostly occupied by men betting on everything from winners of matches, to what penalty would be called next. Ludo Bagman had nothing on these blokes. 

As Lily sauntered by, more than one stopped and watched her. One man, old enough to be her grandfather, offered her a cigarette. Lily took it with a flirtatious smile, and much to Teddy's relief, continued on her way. 

They passed by the dance club, where strobe lights and the _thump, thump, thump_ of the music abused Teddy's senses even further. He smiled inwardly that Albus and Lily continued walking past to the pub. 

The pub was almost overflowing with people. Young women wearing even less than Lily moved about the room, groups of boys and girls about Albus's age and slightly older took up several tables, and old weathered wizards sat at the bar nursing drinks. Teddy recognized a few people he'd gone to school with, and even worse, Teddy recognized a few other people who had once adorned the cells of Azkaban. 

"I think I see a place to sit," Albus said, craning his neck. 

"You sit, I'll get the drinks," Teddy said,walking to the bar.

Teddy went to the bar and ordered three lagers, thinking Albus and Lily were lucky he hadn't ordered pumpkin juice. He was not going to let them get pissed in this place. 

Teddy did his best to move through the throng over in the direction that Albus and Lily had gone. He was almost to them when he heard someone snarl, "Potter! Yes, you. Remember me?" 

"I think you have me confused with someone else," Albus said, calmly rising from his chair, his hand drifting ever so slightly towards his wand. 

"I think I know the boy who fucking lived when I see him," the man said while two of his friends hovered close behind him. "You've arrested me twice. Killed me best mate the last time." 

"No, that's not me—I mean..." Albus stuttered. 

The man looked closer, eyes narrowed. "Huh. S'pose you're right. But you're his kid, yeah? Seen your photo in the _Prophet_." The man slowly drew out his wand. 

"You leave him alone," Lily yelled, also standing up.

"This your girlfriend?" the man taunted.

"I'm his sister, you arse," Lily retorted, and Teddy's stomach did a flip. That was possibly the worst thing she could have said. 

"Even better," another of the men growled, and in one motion, he grabbed Lily around the waist and shoved his hand up her skirt. She hit him and grabbed his arm, trying to rip his hand away, but it was no use; he was very large, very strong, and much more physically imposing than his friend. Albus yelled and raised his wand, firing off a stinging hex. The man roared, and swung Lily around so that she shielded him from further attack, and didn't let go of her. 

A small crowd had formed around the group, and Teddy did the first thing that came to mind, cursing under his breath. He swiftly altered his features as he had earlier in the day, this time not particularly caring about accuracy. It wasn't as if anyone around him would notice as all eyes were on Albus, Lily, and the three men, and he didn't think the lack of glasses would cause any comment. 

He dropped the beer, ignoring as it splashed his jeans and shoes, drew his wand and pushed his way through the crowd, roughly shoving people aside. "Hey!" he called out and immediately started firing off hexes. 

The man holding Lily dropped her, and she screeched as she fell to the floor. The pub went deafeningly silent and turned and looked at Teddy. Hundreds of eyes all trained on him.

"It's me you want. Leave my kids alone," Teddy said, moving to stand in front of Albus and Lily. 

"Harry Potter. Fucking brilliant," someone jeered, and Teddy stood up straighter and taller than he ever remembered doing, glaring menacingly at the crowd.

"Let's go, you two. We're leaving. As for you," he said, eyeing the three men who had started this mess, and doing his best to remain calm, "I'd rather not have to fight you." He reached into his pocked at tossed a few Galleons at them. "On me, gentlemen." 

"What the hell are you doing?" Albus hissed. 

"I don't want your fucking money. You aren't going anywhere," the first man said. The man was very tall but also extremely thin. His skin was waxy, his face pockmarked, and he was also missing several teeth. He looked like a man who had long since got over any sense of law enforcement.

"Problem, Harley?" A fourth man joined them, bending down to pick up the gold coins and pocket them, and drawing his wand, fluttering it idly between his fingers.

"Not any more," the man—Harley, he supposed—replied, a nasty grin on his face.

_Shit!_ Teddy thought, keeping his wand trained on Harley, eyes darting around to keep all four of the men in his field of vision. He supposed Auror training had had some benefit. Out of the corner of his eye, he saw Albus raise his wand next to him. Lily was of course wandless, and she shrunk back a bit behind them. Teddy scowled. Not one person in the pub made the slightest inclination to step in and end the fight or even help them. Probably eager to watch the Chosen One in action. Bloody fucking hell.

Teddy desperately wished he were anywhere but here. What had possessed him to impersonate Harry? Granted, it had seemed like a good idea at the time, but now.... There was no way these four were going to let them walk away without a fight. _Shit_ , he thought. _Just let us get out of here safely. I swear to God, to Merlin, to Albus fucking Dumbledore, if you let us get out of here in one piece, I'll do anything. I'll find a bloody job, I'll stand up straight, I'll stop being such a fucking coward and tell James I love him and beg him to stay. Anything! Please!_

Teddy could feel a drop of sweat rolling down the side of his cheek. The music still thrummed and the slot machines still clinked, but the crowd itself was silent as the grave. 

The tension finally reached a breaking point, and someone to he left shouted a spell. Teddy reacted quickly, shielding himself and the kids. Two more shot out, followed by a third, and he cast successive Shield Charms as fast as he could think the incantations. This wasn't good. He was on the defensive, and the necessity of defending both himself and the kids didn't allow him any time for offence, leaving him vulnerable to the next attack. 

Four spells converged at once, and his Shield Charm flickered and died. He was hit square in the chest and sent flying back into a table, broken glass shattering all around, and he felt something warm and wet on his back. He hoped it wasn't blood. Teddy cast a spell from the table, and watched one man fall as he tried to stand, but he was hit again, and stumbled, his left arm numb. He flicked his wand, summoning another table to shield Albus and Lily, but the spells were coming faster and faster now. Thankfully, several missed and he did what he could to fell his four assailants, firing off an immobilization spell and hitting one square in the chest, but he couldn't handle them all. He could hear Lily screaming and he had no idea where Albus was. 

He looked wildly around for some sign of him, but the crowd pressed in on Teddy and suddenly spells weren't enough. Someone punched him in the jaw and his head whipped back from the force. Before he could get his bearings, he was kicked in his groin and he fell to the floor, writhing in pain. Another kick to his ribs and the pain blossomed, though not nearly as bad compared to the pain in his balls. He felt nauseated and was sure he was going to vomit, but still attempted to lift his head. Someone smashed him over the head with something—a chair, a body?—and he collapsed, pain searing throughout his entire body, far more than he had ever imagined. He screamed, though he couldn't hear a thing, his ears were ringing, and curled up in a ball, hands cupping his balls, tears streaming down his face. He rolled to the side and saw Lily crouched behind the table he'd Summoned. Gasping for breath, he did the only thing he could think of: he threw his wand at her. "Do something." 

Lily's face was tear-streaked and scared, and her hand shook as she picked up Teddy's wand. She looked confused, and crouched there, staring at it like she'd never seen a wand before. 

"Anything," Teddy choked out as someone stomped on his arm and he felt it crack. 

A hand twisted roughly in his shirt and pulled him up off the floor. He was face to face with the first man—Harley, he recalled vaguely—and Teddy couldn't help but grin stupidly. The guy was so horribly ugly.

"You think this is funny, Potter?" the man spat in his face. 

"Not a bit," Teddy managed to say, surprised that he was still alive, much less conscious. He felt his gorge rise, and knew he was going to be sick. A shadow crossed the man's face and he knew this was it. This was the last face he would ever look at. The broken battered body of Harry wasn't enough; they wanted him dead. Teddy thought of his grandmother and how angry she would be that he'd died in this "God forsaken place", and then he thought of Harry and how he would blame himself. His last thought was of James, and Teddy focused on remembering every last detail of his features, his smile, his touch. If he was going to die, it would be with a happy thought and not the unrequited feelings that indirectly led him to this dreadful place. 

The man Harley shook him, and shouted something in his face, and Teddy vomited.

Something exploded; he heard a deafening boom, and a bright light flashed everywhere, and then the world went blissfully black.

~~*~~

"Let me through!"

"Get out of the way!"

"You cannot go in till the Healer is through," the hospital guard said. 

"He's my godson!" Harry yelled. 

"He's my—" James didn't know how to finish that sentence. 

"No visitors!" the guard yelled back. "Only hospital personnel are permitted."

"Move!" James, Harry, and surprisingly Draco all yelled at the same time. James had his wand drawn and pointed at the man's throat. He was flanked on his right by his dad, and by Draco on his left, both of whom had their wands drawn as well. 

The guard looked at the wands, glanced up at their faces, and then shuffled out of the way. Apparently the threat of being hexed wasn't worth whatever it was they were paying him to stand guard at the door.

Harry immediately ran into the room and James followed closely behind him. Teddy lay in a bed, his left arm and chest heavily bandaged, and his face was puffy with bruises everywhere. They both stared at Teddy with identical shocked expressions, and James looked from Teddy to his father and back again, his heart racing. The Healer had looked up at their intrusion, and she put a hand to her chest, raising her brows.

"Is he awake?" James asked, reaching out and lightly touching Teddy's foot, hoping he wasn't touching an injured area.

"No. Gave him something for the pain so he'll be asleep for a while," the Healer answered.

"Why is he in pain? I mean why can't you _heal_ him?" Harry asked, not taking his eyes from Teddy's face. 

"He was in a punch-up with four other wizards, and they beat him fairly aggressively. Both spells and a physical attack. We think his magic is damaged and we don't know to what extent yet, so until we do, we can't do any more extensive healing than we've done already. We don't want to risk any side effects. Besides the obvious contusions, he has a broken arm, some broken ribs, and he had a deep laceration on his back. We healed that immediately, but he reacted badly to it so we stopped there." 

James hated how the Healer said "we", like it was medicine by committee and not one of them willing to just go ahead and make the right decision for Teddy.

"What do you mean, 'reacted badly'?" Harry said.

"His appearance changed. He couldn't control the transformation, said it hurt, that everything was burning. A burning sensation while morphing or transforming is indicative of frayed magic, and since Metamorphmagi are so rare, we don't have a lot of experience in treating them, much less knowing how any steps we take will effect their physiology. Most normal wizards heal just fine, but with this patient, we simply don't know." 

Harry sighed heavily and knelt by the bed, gently taking Teddy's uninjured hand in his own. James tried not to have hard feelings—it was just his dad— but he wanted to be the one holding Teddy's hand. 

"I'm finished for now. I'll be back in an hour to check on him," the Healer said. "I take it you'll be staying?" James nodded, and she nodded to him in return. "Fine. I'll let them know at the desk. He really shouldn't have visitors just yet, but..." She broke off with a glance at Harry and sighed. "Right. Just don't make too much noise, don't move him, don't touch any of his injuries, and don't perform any kind of magic near him. And if he wakes and experiences any severe pain, or has any kind of reaction that seems abnormal, call for a healer at once," she added and left the room. 

Draco, who had been standing quietly near the door, stepped closely behind Harry and softly said, "I'm going to go get Albus and Lily, bring them up here." Harry nodded and looked appreciatively at Draco. 

James focused on Teddy's face. It was hardly recognizable due to all the swelling. His hair was mostly his natural colour save for one shock of it that was James's colour, and another that was a grassy green. A small lightening shaped scar stood out on his forehead. Albus hadn't been exaggerating after all. James dragged a chair close to the foot of the bed and sank into it. He leant back, exhaling slowly, and closed his eyes. 

"How'd you know to come?" his dad asked. 

"Uncle George rang me on my mobile," James replied, opening his eyes. George had rung him right in the middle of his dinner, and said, "Your brother, sister and Teddy are at St. Mungo's. It's bad." Without a thought, he'd quickly excused himself from the table, and practically flown out the door. He'd run around the side of the restaurant and Apparated for the first time in a very, _very_ long time. He was lucky he hadn't splinched himself. 

"I thought you stopped carrying your wand around." 

"Yeah, well." James shrugged. That wasn't an easy thing to explain. He _hadn't_ carried his wand with him regularly in a very long time. He had brought it with him to dinner tonight as a sort of touchstone. He needed something to remind him of all he was potentially giving up. The apprenticeship really was a grand opportunity for him, but he'd been hesitant about accepting it. 

Initially, he'd jumped at the chance to apply, but once he discovered that he was one of the top candidates, reality had come crashing in on him. He thought he knew what he wanted, but now he wasn't so sure. Was he considering going because of the opportunity it presented him for his future, or was he doing it to run away from his past? Some days he felt like a complete outsider. He was a wizard who didn't quite belong in the wizarding world, yet no matter how long he lived as a Muggle, he wasn't one of them either. 

The only place he felt he truly belonged, where he was accepted for himself and not his name or his talents alone, was with Teddy. But Teddy didn't want him that way. 

The sex was bloody fantastic, and he knew Teddy cared about him, loved him even, but in a brotherly sort of way, despite the fact that they were _not_ brothers, nor did they act as though they were. Brother-like in some respects, perhaps, but certainly not in essence or in actuality. 

Teddy would pull away when James tried to hold his hand, would be absent from James's life for weeks at a time without any explanation, and never said anything that gave James even an inkling that he felt the same way. He tended to close himself off, and so rarely told him what he thought unless James asked him outright. Just this afternoon he had given Teddy an opening a mile wide, had nearly begged him to say something—anything—about how _he_ felt about the apprenticeship, and still Teddy remained silent. 

James sighed. All of his fumblings, trying to come up with the perfect way to ask Teddy to come with him had been for naught. He chuckled ruefully to himself, thinking of all of his daft romantic notions, hoping that one day Teddy would see him as more than a good friend and a good shag. That he would bare his soul and tell him that he he'd loved him for years. With Teddy, he could reconcile his place; learn to live in both worlds and find that happy medium he'd been desperate to achieve. He could see his family, see Al more frequently, and Lily when she was home from school. Maybe have a normal conversation with his dad without any accusations or resentment. 

He looked over at his dad now. His hand was resting underneath Teddy's as if he wanted to hold it but was too afraid of hurting him, and he was staring sadly at Teddy's swollen face. 

"Not easy being my son," his dad said without looking at him. "Suppose you were right about that. Few years early and bit more violent, but still right." 

"Dad, that is the last thing I want to be right about just now," James said, emotion bubbling up in his throat and nearly choking him. Harry looked up at James and smiled weakly.

"I really wish you weren't right either." 

James coughed, trying to hide the fact that he felt like crying. 

"Come here, son." Harry opened his arms, and James felt like a child flying into them so quickly. 

"I didn't think—" James tried to explain himself, feeling suddenly guilty like this was entirely his fault, that somehow, if he had been around, it wouldn't have happened. 

"Don't blame yourself, James. You only want to be your own man, I understand that." 

James nodded against his dad's shoulder, unable to think of a single thing to say. He hadn't expected that his dad had actually understood him after all. 

Someone cleared their throat, and both Harry and James looked towards the door. Draco stood in the entrance with Albus and Lily. The latter two looked very uncomfortable having walked in on their dad and estranged brother hugging of all things. 

Harry motioned to them. "It's all right, come in." Lily was hesitant at first, but after a few steps she scurried to Harry and embraced him, nearly barrelling James over. James took a step back and patted his sister on her back as she cried against Harry's chest. Harry pet her hair softly, murmuring, "It's okay, Lily. Everything's going to be okay."

"He looks awful," Albus said solemnly. 

"Yeah," James said clearing his throat. "How'd you manage to escape with only a broken nose?"

"Teddy Summoned a table and I—er—pushed Lily behind it. They hit me pretty hard, two spells at once, then disarmed me, and kicked me in the head as I dove for my wand. Got kind of fuzzy after that. I managed to crawl under another table, and then security came swooping in. Broke the whole thing up, and they called MLE."

"It's fortunate they got there when they did. Your father would have been so distraught if anything else had happened to either of you, and I would have never forgiven you," Draco said. "You're far luckier than either of you deserve." 

Albus looked away from Draco, and Lily sobbed harder. James felt as though he should have defended his siblings, but Draco was right. What the hell were they thinking even going there in the first place? Oh God, Teddy would be so indignant if he found out James agreed with Draco.

"You two should go home," Harry said to Lily and Albus. "You need some rest." 

Lily sniffled. "Come with us, Dad, I don't want to go without you." 

"Go on, Dad," James said. "I'm not going anywhere." 

Harry nodded. "I'll be back later after I get them settled. You need anything?"

"No, thanks. I'll be all right for now." 

James heard the door close as he pulled the chair closer to Teddy's head, and sat back down. He reached out and lightly grasped Teddy's warm hand, bending his head and kissing it softly. 

"You should tell him." 

James almost jumped out of chair in surprise. He thought his dad had gone, but there he was, standing at the threshold of the room, hand resting lightly on the jamb. He had obviously been watching. James looked at his dad, feeling confused.

"Tell him what?"

"You don't have to be so stubborn," Harry said. 

There was no malice at all in his words, and suddenly James understood, but how should he reply? How could he explain his unrequited feelings to his father, of all people? 

"You might be surprised how it works out. Think about it, James." Harry smiled lightly at his son and left the room. 

James turned back to Teddy and reached again for his hand. He traced circles on the back of it, imagining the lines he was making with his fingertips, and focusing on the lines appearing and slowly fading. Lines were safe, familiar, and feeling overwhelmed as he did now, he didn't much want to think about anything else. Of course, his mind had other ideas. 

Teddy nearly died because of his idiot siblings. He was a bag of bruises and broken because he tried to defend the idiot siblings. Teddy didn't love him, Teddy had never once hinted, much less said that he loved him, and now he'd come ridiculously close to dying, and there were too many things, too many thoughts, too many things left unsaid. 

James kept tracing lines, trying not think about it all, but failing miserably, tracing, tracing, tracing. Teddy's hand twitched, and James squeezed it lightly, his eyes going at once to Teddy's face, which was still blank, and then back down to the hand, where Teddy's fingers twitched again, and flexed against James's. 

Teddy's opened his eyes, the merest slits, but they were open, and a smile seemed to tug at the corners of his mouth. It must have hurt too much to do so because he groaned and stopped. 

"Teddy?" James said, standing and leaning over, close to Teddy's face.

"Jamie," Teddy said softly, his voice scratchy and thick. He licked his lips, which looked very dry, and swallowed hard. James looked around for some water and saw an empty glass sitting on the bedside table. Without thinking twice about it, James pointed his wand and filled it full of clean icy water. 

"Oh, shit," he exclaimed, turning back to Teddy, expecting God knew what after the healer's warning, but Teddy seemed fine, if a little puzzled, and he sighed in relief.

He picked up the glass and held it to Teddy's lips, helping him to sip it slowly. "The healer," James said. "She told us not to do any magic too close to you. Guess they're worried because of the reaction you had when they tried to heal you."

Teddy nodded when he was done, and James put the glass down, turning his attention immediately back to Teddy. 

James searched Teddy's eyes. One was Teddy's normal colour but the other was the bright green of his father's eyes. As he stared, it seemed to change for a second, but it might have been a trick of the light because when James looked closer, it was still green. 

"Don't go anywhere, all right?" Teddy said, his voice still sounding weak. 

"I'm not," James said, holding Teddy's hand more firmly. 

"Stay with me," Teddy said. It was all James had ever wanted to hear. Whether Teddy meant just here at St. Mungo's or forever, it didn't really matter just then. 

"Not leaving, I promise," James reaffirmed, touching Teddy's hair softly, and Teddy smiled, closed his eyes, and drifted back to sleep.

~~*~~

"He's here," Lily sung loudly as she looked out the front window.

James hustled to the front door, Albus right on his heels. They heard the car door close and his dad's voice sounding cautious as he led Teddy up the walk. "Sure you can walk by yourself?" 

"My legs work fine, last I checked," Teddy replied. 

"I just don't want you to do too much," Harry said before opening the door. Teddy stood at the threshold, grinning as he noticed James, Albus, and Lily all waiting there to greet him. 

"If you don't move, I can't come in and rest like I'm sure you're all going to force me to do," Teddy said. 

"You are a moody patient," Albus chided, and Teddy cuffed him on the back of the head. He turned at smiled at James, and James smiled back, slightly annoyed that he couldn't lean in and kiss him like he truly wanted to, certainly not with everyone all standing around like that. 

"Let him in, for the love of God," Draco said, standing further back with Scorpius. 

Teddy glanced up at him and smiled tentatively. "Er, thanks," he said somewhat awkwardly, and walked in as they all stepped back to give him room. 

"James, help him take his stuff upstairs and then come back down for lunch," Harry said, closing the door. 

James took the bag from his dad's hand and followed Teddy up the stairs. Teddy walked slowly, but other than that he seemed fine. 

When they stepped into the bedroom, Teddy looked around, a bit confused. 

"What's wrong, you have amnesia too?" James said lightly, setting the bag on the desk. 

"Your stuff's here." Teddy looked at the large duffel overflowing with James's clothes, his drafting book and pencils set on the desk, and gestured at James's jacket hanging on the edge of the wardrobe.

"I wanted to be here with you. I just assumed—" James stumbled for what to say, wondering if he had completely misinterpreted the conversations they'd had in the hospital the past week. "I can always sleep in my dad's office. This is your room."

Teddy glared at him. "It's _our_ room. You're not going anywhere." He smiled then, and James's heart sped up just a tick. "I just have a hard time believing it's real is all," Teddy said quietly, and moved to James to kiss him. 

"Oh, no, I don't want to hear any more about me not wanting you for all these long hard years," James said, grinning as Teddy pulled him into an embrace.

"I'm serious." 

"I know," James replied and kissed Teddy very softly. James leant back and frowned, reaching up and rubbing at the lightning shaped scar on Teddy's forehead. 

"What?" Teddy said. 

"It's weird. I look at your forehead and I think I'm kissing my dad or something. Pretty disturbing." 

"I've always found it erotic to think about kissing your dad," Teddy said and grinned. James pinched him lightly as a punishment. "Oi! Be careful. I'm an ailing patient." 

"Patient, my arse," James said. 

"Yes, I'm much better than I look." Teddy grinned wickedly and pulled James onto the bed. "I suppose for awhile you'll have to keep your eyes closed while we shag."

It had taken the Healers a full day, but they discovered that if they healed him slowly, it didn't hurt him any further. There were a few things they couldn't fix; the frayed magic for one, which left Teddy's appearance in a sort of flux. He mostly looked like himself other than the scar and his hair, which he couldn't seem to fix the colour on at all. Also his eyes; one remained normal and the other alternated between Potter green and a variety of different colours that Teddy was unable to control. The Healers all insisted Teddy's magic would restore itself in time, but for now, the best he could do was be patient and try to restore his control by morphing small, less important things a few times a day.

But apparently that wasn't currently on Teddy's mind. He angled to kiss James, pressing their hips together. 

"Everyone's downstairs waiting for us," James said. "You shouldn't start something you can't finish." 

"Bugger. Is your flat still available? Maybe your flatmate won't be there. Or better yet, we can get our own place," Teddy suggested, nibbling at James's neck. 

"Less than a week and you want to move in with me. Bloody hell, I'm that much of a catch," James said, doing his best to look haughty. 

Teddy leant back and grinned. "Yes, of course, wonderful and all that," he said, waving his hand as if to swat away a fly. "But I'm not waiting till then to have a good shag with you. I don't give a shit who's downstairs." Teddy pressed his erection to James's thigh to emphasize his point.

"Teddy," said James, in a warning voice.

"You're the one who made me this way. Not giving me the hand-job I required at St. Mungo's." 

"I'm not going to toss off someone who's half-conscious at best," James replied somewhat indignantly.

"I'm fully awake now." Teddy pulled James in and kissed him again, this time with a bit more passion, sucking slowly on James's lower lip and teasing James's tongue with his. James moaned, pressing his own painfully hard cock against Teddy's hip. Teddy wasn't the only one who needed a good shag. 

Teddy reached down, easily undoing the buttons of his flies, and broke the kiss to lean back and look at James, his eyes searching. _Jesus_ , James thought. Teddy was fucking gorgeous, and even better, he was all his. He touched Teddy's cheek and leant forward to claim his mouth.

Lunch could wait.


End file.
